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August 2000 Newsletter - Volume 3. Issue 8

In This Issue

2000 MB-F, Inc.

You may use this paragraph as permission to reprint any article in the MB-F Newsletter providing 6rticles are printed in their entirety, proper credit is given to the author and to the MB-F Newsletter, and a copy of the publication in which it was reprinted is sent to the MB-F Newsletter, P.O. Box 22107, Greensboro, NC 27420. Opinions expressed by authors in this publication are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher. Publisher reserves the right to edit.


You Can't Have It Both Ways,
by Dorie Crowe

At every show we attend, without fail, someone (or several someones) come to our show office and want to have some information on breeders in the area. One of the things we tell them is that we are not from the area but we recommend they speak with those persons who are manning the club tables. These club people are from the area, they would know who the reputable breeders are in the area, etc., etc. Imagine our dismay when we are told, “I was just there and they sent me to you.”

Clubs! CLUBS! CLUBS!!!! Breeders! BREEDERS! Breeders!!! Here we all are professing to want to extol the virtues of the purebred dog, but when someone asks you don’t give them answers. Please be very aware that many of the spectators who come to a show are actively looking for a purebred dog. They are hungry for information. They want someone to answer their questions and give them some guidance. And, they want to know where they can get the pup of their dreams.

Many of the clubs now have an information table set up for the duration of their show. This table is full of goodies received from AKC – Rule Books, pamphlets on the different events, pamphlets explaining dog shows, information on registration, etc. There might even be a TV monitor showing some of the videos available from AKC. But who is manning this table? Sometimes we see the table has been set up, but no one has been designated to be there to answer the questions. Or, the person manning the table might be a non-doggy relative of a club member who has been enticed to work for the day with the promise of lunch and a pleasant day.

What you should know is that this information/education table is extremely important to the growth and understanding of purebred dogs. The majority of the people who are coming to this table (many of whom have been sent there by us) are novices or prospective newcomers who are trying to do the right thing. They are researching, they are trying to choose a breed appropriate for their family, they are looking for training classes, they are trying to get answers to their many questions.

It is extremely important that you have a knowledgeable, patient, understanding person manning this table.

It is extremely important that the club supports this person and this display by being sure this club person has the information and help they need to do their job.

It is extremely important the club have breeders in their Directory or Referral program who are interested in promoting purebred dogs and who are willing to answer the entire gamut of questions that come from newcomers or novices.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a dog person or the club representatives say they are working for the good of their breed and for purebred dogs. (I could be writing this from my house on the hill on the island of Antigua, whilst gazing periodically out the window at the ocean.)

I don’t doubt for a minute that each person and each club firmly believes this. But the sad fact is that the ball is dropped in a couple of important areas: knowledgeable people providing information and talking to newcomers and novices at shows; knowledgeable, patient people talking to newcomers and novices after shows. Providing a first class show is primarily for the club and exhibitors and the spectators that come are icing on the cake. But it’s those spectators that are the future of the Fancy – and from what we hear they are being treated terribly and discouraged at every turn.

We can’t have it both ways, folks. We can’t make it our goal to educate and promote ownership of purebred dogs and then, when we have people interested in them, treat them as pariahs and make it impossible for them to get information or, God forbid, actually get a dog!

On our infodog.com discussion forum there are a couple of posts that speak to this phenomenon: Clubs that are the authority in their locale who are either unwilling or not prepared to talk to newcomers. Breeders who constantly speak of and advertise their dogs, but who make it so difficult for anyone to get information, let alone have one, the newcomer ends up going to a pet store.

What are some of the complaints listed there?

1. The club contacts were not helpful/ polite/willing to talk. 2. Club contact did not return calls even what asked to do so “collect”. 3. Had unreasonable “call only” hours. 4. The club has no telephone number listed. 5. Breeder treated prospect rudely and nastily. 6. Breeders are rude and snobby. 7. Breeder gave the brush off and/ or ignored. 8. Breeder made prospect feel stupid and inferior or unworthy.

How can this be? These, as well as other complaints along the same lines, are made by many who are trying to do the right thing. They’ve done their preliminary research, they’ve figured out a breed or two that would fit their family and now they come to the dog show or to a breeder to get more information and guidance. They wait patiently until the breed judging is over. What do they get? Mostly berated. Mostly discouraged. No wonder they run to the pet store where there are people who can’t wait to talk to them and want to sell them a puppy.

Now, we’re not saying that there are people who approach you with bizarre stories and needs that shouldn’t be discouraged. But maybe discouraged is not the way these folks should be handled either. Perhaps these are the ones who need most the patient education that will make all the difference for them as well as any dog they may eventually get. And, believe me, they WILL get a dog. Whether the experience is the best it can be for the owner AND the dog could be up to you. Every person is not going to be a gem – but perhaps they could be with the right encouragement.

By and large, the majority of people who get this far have a serious interest and they want a purebred dog. They’ve come to the experts. They’ve come exactly where we’ve asked them to come for advice and counsel.

Then what happens? It’s made nearly impossible for them to have a purebred. They’re yelled at; how dare they presume to think they are worthy enough to own a purebred! On the chance they get past the first part of the ordeal, there are a gazillion pages of a contract that needs an attorney’s interpretation, they can’t own the dog outright it’s insisted the breeder co-own…the list goes on and on. This is the way we’re enticing people to the Fancy?

Should breeders have requirements and contracts? Yes. Should breeders ask questions? Absolutely. BUT breeders should be willing to ANSWER questions and give explanations, too. You have to remember that most of these newcomers are like blank pieces of canvas – it’s your job to inspire them to complete the landscape of a responsible, knowledgeable owner and a contributor to the future of the breed and the sport.

You have set yourselves up as the experts and the trustees of the breed and the guardians of the sport. Well, with that comes the responsibility to educate those that will be entrusted with the sport in the future. If you are not willing to accept this responsibility, don’t breed dogs that you are going to want to place outside your home or kennel. If you want to keep everything yourself don’t place your name in the club’s Breeders’ Directory.

When we get calls and e-mails for referrals and information on training classes, handling classes, etc., we refer people to both the local kennel club and the parent club and, now, of course, to dogadvisors.com. Don’t put your name out there as someone to contact at the club level if you are not willing to talk to these people who need and are asking for your help.

And, so what if their dog shouldn’t be shown in conformation. There are other events. You should be providing information on all events in which the breed would be eligible to compete.

Clubs: Be sure when you are choosing someone to handle Breeder Referral for your club that this is someone who is willing to do the job. You need someone who has the time and the patience to answer all the silly questions as well as the serious ones. This is the person who is going to be the representative of your club’s place in the community and the sport.

Be sure when you choose the person to man your information/education table at your show that he or she is the right person for the job.

Be sure when you are compiling your Breeder Directory that you have assurances from those who want to be listed that they will take the time to talk to those who are referred; that they will be patient and informative and encouraging.

Breeders: Be sure that you are willing to answer all the questions and give patient responses. Remember that you were once the novice. The newcomer does not know all the ramifications his one little question might imply. He needs calm explanations.

The newcomer who approaches you at a show saw something in the relationship between you and your dog that inspired him to come to you. Treat this as an opportunity, not as an irritation. You can have a hand in shaping the future of the sport by the attention you give this person. Make it worthwhile.

If you are stressed at a show, tell the person who approaches you that this is the case. Give him your card and invite him to call you and visit your kennel and see your dogs and use that time to discuss the pros and cons of your breed and what the appropriate situation is for that breed.

You get the picture.

Trust me, you are not going to live forever. There must be new blood. The attitude of that new blood is partially your responsibility. How the newcomer comes into the sport rests with you.

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From Where I Sit
by John S. Ward

After his first or second visit to a dog show the newcomer to the dog game is of course bursting with questions about how the system operates. It is easy enough to answer his first few questions by charting out the pyramid structure of dog show judging, from the breeds to the Groups and finally to Best in Show. The concept of dividing dogs among Groups according to the function for which the breeds were developed is also readily understandable, but the inevitable question associated with Group judging soon arises, that is, how can you compare two breeds of dogs, such as Pointers and Spaniels, which don’t particularly resemble each other? The newcomer’s confusion on this point is further compounded when he sees seven entirely different kinds of dogs ostensibly being compared by the judge, who finally points very decisively at one particular dog and announces that it is Best in Show, whatever that means.

You very patiently explain that each breed has a so-called Standard, which is a verbal description of what that breed should look like and how it should move. Further, you point out that the judge is evaluating each dog in terms of how well it fits the Breed Standard, and that regardless of the breeds involved the dog that conforms most closely to its own Breed Standard is chosen over the other dogs in competition that are less successful in meeting the requirements of their Standard.

So far so good. Your novice friend then innocently states that the judge who decided which dog was Best in Show must be a very smart individual indeed, since he or she presumably is approved to judge all the breeds that are competing at the show. You quickly inform him that out of the several thousand approved dog show judges only a handful are officially approved to judge all breeds, and that in order to be eligible to judge Best in Show one need only be certified to judge any single Group. Your novice friend walks away, looking somewhat bewildered at this last piece of information.

His unspoken question of course is, “How come?” The answer is quite evident if one looks at the arithmetic of the number of dog shows per year and the concomitant number of Best in Show judges thereby required versus the pool of judges available at the Group level. The last feasibility study I have seen arrived at the conclusion that requiring an individual to be approved for two or more Groups before being certified as a Best in Show judge would result in a shortfall of eligible judges, given the number of such judges on the books versus the number of all-breed shows within 30 days and 200 miles of each other.

Should we be concerned about this fact? I think not. It is certainly questionable that a two-Group judge or a three-Group judge would be that much more qualified, since he or she would be approved to judge two or three of the Group winners in the ring for Best in Show and would still be somewhat less familiar with the dogs in the ring representing the other Groups.

It is certainly neither feasible nor desirable to create an additional several hundred all-breed judges to satisfy this somewhat theoretical requirement. The present system is a compromise we have adopted in order to have our three-tier competitive structure at all-breed shows. It is interesting to note that one of the all-breed shows on the East Coast elected several years back to offer competition at the breed level only, and did away entirely with Group and Best in Show judging. The experiment had no perceptible impact on our sport and was quietly discontinued.

What has been the practical result of this compromise in the process of selecting Best in Show winners? First of all, there is no question that Group and Best in Show competition is here to stay. It is exciting and if nothing else it affords the public the opportunity to see all breeds in one ring without the necessity of trying to see what’s going on in the numerous rings at the average show. Also, it provides additional challenges to the exhibitor after he or she had finished a championship on a particular dog.

How does a one-Group judge go about the process of picking a Best in Show dog? I have posed this question to many such judges and have received a variety of answers. The most straightforward response is that the judge must rely upon the breed and Group judges having put up the proper type of dog and that he must concentrate his efforts on the soundness, movement and showmanship of the seven contenders. If the judge can assess these qualities skillfully and if he possesses what has been known traditionally as “an eye for a dog” the chances are he won’t go too far wrong.

All of this leads me to the conclusion that every all-breed show is in effect two different dog shows in one place. The first dog show (and to my mind the most important) is the breed judging. That is where the core activity of our sport is evaluated, i.e. to demonstrate the success of a breeding program. The second dog show consists of the Group and Best in Show judging, and is the icing on the cake. It satisfies our need for competition, is suspenseful and exciting, and perhaps can even be called glamorous, but is not the end all of the dog game.

Perhaps the point I am trying to get across is that in my opinion the quality of our breed judges is the cornerstone of our sport. The Group and Best in Show judges at an event may be outstanding but unless the breed judges do a creditable job the Group and Best in Show judging will have little significance. If the AKC devises the best possible system for screening initial judging applicants and follows through with a carefully crafted method for approving additional breeds our sport will be in good hands, and the Group and Best in Show judging will be equally benefited.

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A Word From  the AKCCHF

Gene Search Tool Developed During Hunt for CMO Gene

The AKC Canine Health Foundation, the Cairn Terrier Club of America Foundation, the Scottish Terrier Health Trust Fund and the Westie Foundation of America, Inc,, are supporting research to develop a carrier test for Craniomandibular Osteopathy (CMO). CMO is a painful inherited jaw disease that is seen most often in young Terrier puppies. This work is being carried out by Dr. Patrick Venta and his colleagues at the College of Veterinary Medicine at Michigan State University.

In order to develop the test, it is first necessary to locate the CMO gene on one of the 39 pairs of dog chromosomes. During the CMO work at MSU, a new way to quickly make SNP markers was developed, thus opening the way to automate much of the marker work used for canine disease genes. Although it will probably be several years before the new canine SNP markers are used with automatic machines, even the manual method for using these markers is much simpler and quicker than the more commonly used STR markers. In addition, these markers can be made in specific genes. This development will make it easier to move from the linked marker to the actual genes because there are many similarities between human and canine chromosomes.

Using the new method, information can easily be taken from the multi-billion dollar Human Genome Project and applied directly to canine genetic problems. Thus, the work to develop a test for CMO will have a much broader impact by speeding future research on other inherited health conditions in all breeds.

Dr. Elaine Ostrander Receives National Award for Canine Cancer Research

National recognition continues for one of the canine genome map researchers supported by AKC/CHF. Elaine Ostrander, Ph.D., of the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle has received a Burroughs Wellcome award in Functional Genomics. She will use the $400,000 award for funding a study entitled, “Mapping Cancer Susceptibility Genes in Dogs by Linkage Disequilibrium.” Dr. Ostrander is the Principal Investigator and Leonid Kruglyak, Ph.D., is the Co-Investigator for this study.

The study is aimed at unmasking genes that predispose individuals to developing cancer. Specifically, Ostrander and Kruglyak propose to develop the methodologies for efficiently mapping cancer susceptibility genes in purebred dogs. The unique population structure of dog breeds, coupled with strong clinical and histological similarity between canine and human cancers, make this the model system of choice for cancer genetics. The study will focus specifically on mapping genes for susceptibility to lymphoma and osteosarcoma in naturally occurring populations of Golden Retrievers and Rottweilers, respectively. The hypothesis is that identification of cancer susceptibility genes in dogs will provide insight into the ways in which cancer susceptibility in humans is controlled genetically.

The Burroughs Wellcome Awards in Functional Genomics are intended to accelerate the integration of the vast amount of genetic sequence and expression data being generated in the world’s laboratories into functional and clinically relevant information that will yield insights into mechanisms of human disease. The canine breed population data for this research was tabulated and provided courtesy of the American Kennel Club.

Dr. Ostrander is an Associate Member in the Divisions of Clinical Research and Human Biology at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, and Head of the Center’s Genetics Program. Her interests are in the areas of genetic mapping and genomics, with a specific focus on the genetics of disease susceptibility, and application of the canine map to disease loci in purebred dogs. Dr. Ostrander is one of the researchers in the international collaborative effort to map the canine genome. She has received several grants to further this research from the AKC Canine Health Foundation.

Items Needed for Fundraising

Dog supplies and accessories come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes. The AKC/CHF can use them all! The fundraising efforts of the AKC/CHF involve raffles and auctions, as well as supporting the many fundraising projects of dog clubs and individuals. The AKC/CHF is now accepting donations of new and useful dog-related items from individuals and corporations.

The AKC/CHR is in need of the following: original doggie artwork, grooming and pet care supplies, books (children’s, science-related, fiction, nonfiction, etc.), show supplies, kennel equipment, and any other items which would be of interest to purebred dog enthusiasts and general pet owners. The value of an item or groups of items may be acknowledged as an in-kind donation for the Foundation. To inquire about donating items, call toll-free 1-888-682-9696 or e-mail akcchf@aol.com.

Several events scheduled for the next two years will benefit from donated items. The Bill Trainor Memorial Dinner, to be held November 25, 2000, will feature an auction with many unique art pieces and dog-related materials. The International Kennel Club Dog Show in February, 2001, will feature an extensive booth presence with raffles and prizes for visitors. In addition, the Foundation visits several dog shows each year with a booth which is enhanced by new and interesting items for donation premiums and raffle prizes.

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Morris & Essex Kennel Club,
by Arthur Frederick Jones

(Excerpts reprinted with permission from the July 1, 1938 issue
of the American Kennel Club Gazette.)

Ours is a realistic world; a world in which facts speak more clearly than high-sounding figures of speech; a world in which the personal advantage seems to wipe out consideration of the general good. Yet to such a world came, not much more than a decade ago, an organization known as the Morris and Essex Kennel Club. It was the crystallization of an idea entertained by Mrs. Geraldine Rockefeller Dodge, one of the truest and most unselfish lovers of the pure-bred dog in the world.

The first Morris and Essex show was a fairly modest affair, catering to a limited number of the breeds, but, even then, establishing its own ear-marking of quality in all its arrangements. In its outward appearance it was better than, but little different from, many other exhibitions of dogs; in its underlying spirit it was a thing apart. At some shows, the very identity of the exhibition is found in the individual dogs that compete and win. At Morris and Essex, there is a glorification of the pure-bred dog in a larger sense. Neither individuals nor breeds stand out above the event, itself.

It is a necessity that each breed has its firm adherents, for no breed could rise to any great heights were it not sponsored by enthusiastic fanciers. But in their concentrated enthusiasm, these men and women sometimes become so specialized that they fail to see the world around them. And to such people comes the Morris and Essex show with its marked decentralizing effect; with its all-inclusive attitude toward “man’s best friend.”

The winners at Morris and Essex are always good dogs. Their names are etched largely, for a moment, against an azure backdrop, and then they drift skyward into the sunset that always smiles on Morris and Essex. This has been true since the beginning of this show in 1927, and it will be true throughout its history – which everyone hopes will extend for all time.

Competition is always strong at this largest of dog shows, but there is so much more to see at Madison that the actual ribbon-winning seems to be only a part of the general pattern. It is certain that a majority of those in the vast crowds that flock to Morris and Essex go because they love dogs – not because they wish to see the striving for high honors by any particular favorites. Indeed, the casual visitor to Madison is likely to believe that any dog seen on the benches is an outstanding specimen. Veteran exhibitors might smile at such a belief, but, within certain limitations, the public is right. There are few really poor specimens to be seen at Morris and Essex.

Most people who have been around the sport of showing dogs for years are inclined to take it all very much for granted. We believe that the public knows the meaning of everything that takes place.

The public does not know, but it has its eyes and its ears open, and it is ready to learn. In short, at Morris and Essex, the dog world is on parade, and it is important that the public be given the right impression.

The person at Morris and Essex witnessing his first dog show takes as prototype every item of procedure, every bit of the layout, and every dog. Such a visitor goes home under the impression that a dog show is a rather splendid institution, and that all shows in the United States approach in size and splendor the magnificent proportions found on the Dodge estate.

All dog shows do not approach Morris and Essex. In fact, many do not come within hailing distance. But since Mrs. Dodge first sponsored this beautiful show there has been a marked improvement in all dogs shows. Members of bench show committees of other show-giving clubs always get new ideas when they attend Morris and Essex. Some of these ideas are put into effect immediately; others are kept in mind until special opportunity provides the place and the money for their execution.

Morris and Essex was the first outdoor dog show in America which gave more than casual thought to the feeding of exhibitors and spectators.

The services of a first class caterer has made luncheon a rather pleasant thing at Madison. Since then, other dog clubs have tried to follow suit. The exhibitor at Madison eats in a special tent, and the general public is provided with another big tent that shelters a complete cafeteria.

Perhaps the best way to describe the big show is to say that one can be in comfort for the whole day at Morris and Essex, not missing a single service that one would have at a big hotel in a city, extending from taxicabs to telegraph and telephone. Automobiles and trailers may be parked with a minimum of effort; and incoming and outgoing traffic is handled in a manner that might be copied by many communities throughout the United States.

The thousands of square yards of tenting remind one of a rather glorified military encampment. Certainly the event appears to exceed the dimensions of the Ringling Brothers-Barnum and Bailey Circus, and it is conducted in a manner that makes one think of a dress parade at West Point. Thousands of people move about the grounds and yet all seem to go to some prearranged spot and accomplish something that weaves into the general pattern.

Spectators wandered about from ring to ring, pausing to see the judging in each enclosure, but anxious to have at least one look into each of the 54 rings where judging went forward simultaneously.

Gay summer frocks of women, combined with the fluttering orange and blue pennants of the Morris and Essex Kennel Club, and the green of the trees and the grass made the setting this year, as usual, a most colorful one. Beach umbrellas in all the rings provided sanctuary for judges and stewards from the brilliant rays of a sun that shone from the start of judging at 10 A.M. until the last award had been made late in the afternoon. Morris and Essex was extremely lucky in its weather, this year, for the days immediately preceding the event had been very discouraging, with rain falling continuously in the neighborhood of New York.

It is no wonder that newspaper and free lance photographers and newsreel cameramen made a Roman holiday out of Morris and Essex. They had that brilliant showing of 4,213 dogs, attended by some 50,000 people from all walks of life, and they had perfect weather in which to record it on all glass and celluloid.

One magazine, whose circulation is close to two million, thought that Morris and Essex was so important that it sent to Madison a special photographer with orders to take everything of interest. Using a candid camera, he snapped no less than 300 pictures. From this great array of “shots,” the editors culled 27 photographs which subsequently were laid out in eight attractive pages. Ten years ago, this particular magazine was not in existence, but no other non-doggy publication would have thought a dog show worthy of its attention.

The Morris and Essex show renders another service to the world of purebred dogs. It draws to the East the greatest dogs throughout the nation, not only for this one show, but for all the shows immediately preceding and following it. With the Madison event as a magnet, handlers and owners are glad to come a little earlier and remain a little longer and take in half a dozen other shows.

More than one dog from the West, and other parts of the country, started out unknown and wound up with a big reputation after his sojourn in the East. Such dogs return to their native localities and serve as test cases against which other specimens may be judged. All in all, this intersectional competition serves to broaden the entire scope of the sport.

The big show is also a center toward which are drawn all the outstanding human personalities connected with the sport of dogs. They come to see the dogs, but they come, too, to meet other people of moment. There is a general interchange of opinions, and many problems are worked out while the judges go about their work of sorting the dogs. The actual judging is of course the big business of the day. It all builds up to the climax, when best in show is awarded...

The final class at Morris and Essex had a tremendous crowd. On the four sides of the big square where the judging took place, spectators were lined about 15 deep. This is in contrast to many dog shows where the group judging consumes so much time that there are few people left to witness the final award. The schedule always has been maintained at the big show, and it makes for a much pleasanter, more important conclusion to the exhibition...

Early dog wagon: Built on a 1939 Lincoln chassis (Lincoln purchased from a Greenwich, CT Rockefeller), 12 cylinder, seven miles to the gallon. The tailgate came down on angle irons and two chains. The tailgate took six Setter crates. A waterproof curtain rolled down for protection from the elements. Cost of custom body: $500.00
Many of those lining the group enclosures were seeing certain breeds for the first time and forming comparisons of the different varieties. As a result, breeders and exhibitors should find renewed interest in their dogs, and probably many sales will trace back to the monster show...

(Editor’s note: The Best in Show winner of the 1938 event, chosen by judge Harry T. Peters, was Old English Sheepdog, Ch. Ideal Weather, owned by Leonard Collins of Toronto, and handled by Alf Loveridge.)

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Letters to the Editor

In your June 2000 Newsletter issue I found an article that was very familiar to me. It is the right hand column of page 16 headed “When Sex is Good”. It is a word for word copy of an article entitled “My Dog Sex” written by Morty Storm.

My knowledge of this article dates back to 1993. At that time, the Evergreen State Pekingese Club was hosting a Roving Show for the Pekingese Club of America. As part of our ‘goody bags’, we printed a twenty-page pamphlet of dog items. “My Dog Sex” was one of those items.

Before we printed this, we carefully researched the source and found that Morty Storm had written it. Morty was a standup comic. The piece had also appeared in an Ann Landers column in August 1988 under the heading “Sex as a Name”. At that time she marked it “The author is unknown”. She corrected that at a later date after he wrote to her and claimed credit. We contacted both of these people and received permission to print it – with proper credits.

At that time, Morty Storm lived at ****. His phone was ***. I have had no recent contacts.

Since you give blanket permission to copy articles from your pamphlet, I believe a correction in a future edition would be courteous.

Lydia A. Kretzman

Dear Lydia:

Thank you very much for your letter. We receive hundreds of items every week, many of which are appropriate for our Shaggy Dog column. Usually the items received are in the public domain, and usually we are able to credit the person who has forwarded them to us. Sometimes we receive items from an Internet service that are in the public domain or they have credited their source.

From time to time we receive items that we know are the work of some figure in the public eye. We have rejected those because they have been received without the credit.

We appreciate your taking the time to write us with the actual author of one of our previous Shaggy column items. If anyone wants to reprint the item we have the address and phone number of Morty Storm here at our North Carolina office and would be glad to pass it along to anyone requesting it.

We are pleased to acknowledge the work of comic Morty Storm that appeared in our June 2000 issue of the MB-F Newsletter.

We also want to remind those who are sending items with the purpose of having them selected for The Shaggy Dog Stories column to be sure to include their name and address or e-mail address so we may credit them and to be very sure they credit any item forwarded to anyone that is the work of a specific individual that may be protected under copyright law.

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wpe9.jpg (1939 bytes)    The Shaggy Dog Stories

JUST BETWEEN US...

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. “Lord, I have a problem!”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“What’s a man, Lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But... he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he’s aroused, but since you’ve been complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great.” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. What’s the catch, Lord?”

“Well... you can have him on one condition.”

“What’s that, Lord?”

“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it’s our little secret...You know, woman to woman.”

(submitted by Rita Lynch via the Internet)

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM NOAH’S ARK

1. Don’t miss the boat.

2. Remember we are all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

4. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

5. Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

8. Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

9. When you’re stressed float a while.

10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

11. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

(submitted by W. Henry Odum III via the Internet)

WHEN I GOT MY NEW DOG...

I asked for strength that I might rear him perfectly; I was given weakness that I might feed him more treats.

I asked for good health that I might rest easy; I was given a “special needs” dog that I might know nurturing.

I asked for an obedient dog that I might feel proud; I was given stubbornness that I might feel humble.

I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful; I was given a clown that I might laugh.

I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely; I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.

I got nothing I asked for, But everything that I needed. (author unknown) (submitted by Ellen Morris [doglady@click-1.com] via the Internet)

COWBOY LAW

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.

“Who stole my horse?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.

“I’m gonna have another beer and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’m finished, I’m gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don’t want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home!” (submitted via the Internet)

 

Humor is a good thing.

If you have a favorite doggy laff
-- particularly a true story --
please send it in and share a good laff with fellow dog enthusiasts.

Send to:

MB-F, Inc.
c/o The Shaggy Dog
P.O. Box 22107
Greensboro, NC 27420

e-mail: mbf@infodog.com

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