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August 1999 Newsletter - Volume 2. Issue 24

Table of Contents

1999 MB-F, Inc.

You may use this paragraph as permission to reprint any article in the MB-F Newsletter providing 6rticles are printed in their entirety, proper credit is given to the author and to the MB-F Newsletter, and a copy of the publication in which it was reprinted is sent to the MB-F Newsletter, P.O. Box 22107, Greensboro, NC 27420. Opinions expressed by authors in this publication are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher. Publisher reserves the right to edit.

I Wanna Buy a Dog
by Tom Crowe

“I wanna buy a dog. I’m not sure what kind or breed of dog I want. I do know I want a nice puppy that is healthy, has a good background and will grow up to look the way it’s supposed to look. Where do I go? I have read so many tales and heard of so many incidents from the media that I’m not sure where to turn to contact someone that will honestly set me on the right path. I do want to buy a dog. Can you help me?”

Pretty much the case that presently exists today in purebred dogs. The puppy mills, the pet shops and the unscrupulous persons ready to take advantage of unsuspecting buyers wanting a nice pet for the children or for themselves. There is nothing more appealing than a fluffy puppy and there is at present really no effective way of determining the real background of a commercially advertised puppy or dog.

The American Kennel Club is struggling within their registration department to cleanse the falsified documents that have accumulated over the years and they are finding and suspending hundreds of the perpetrators of these false records. However, a $500.00 (or greater) fine and a 10-year suspension of all privileges mean nothing to these people. They have no intention of paying the fines and could care less about the suspensions. They just change the names and addresses of the breeders, collect new registration forms and continue their illegal ways.

Honesty cannot be legislated. What a great world this would be if a law could be passed that from now on everyone was to be honest. More than likely it would be a fool’s paradise and the dishonest would continue their dishonest ways with legal protection. The AKC is trying, but to actually police this mess would take hundreds of investigators and millions of dollars to make a dent in the situation. It is impossible for the AKC to handle this logistical nightmare alone.

What to do? What to do? The usual reply I hear is, “That’s the responsibility of the AKC to straighten out their mess”. Whoa! For years the AKC has been operating under the assumption that the people they were dealing with were breeders and sportsman and in the majority of instances they were right. It has only been in the recent past few years that the demand for purebred dogs has ballooned into a high-demand commodity. The AKC registers an average of 1,000,000 dogs per year. The average life of a dog is 11 years. That means that in the past 11 years 11,000,000 dogs are out there and each year a million or more dogs are coming onto the scene. Those are only the ones registered; what about the several millions that are not registered? Talk about a hot commodity! There are farmers out there who have started breeding dogs as a second crop and they don’t have to worry about the weather. To make the situation worse the media is making hay of the situation and without recourse is destroying the sport of purebred dogs as a hobby.

The AKC, breeders, exhibitors, judges, handlers and superintendents and any others interested in purebred dogs working together must become the solution. We must take up the challenge to straighten out this mess and each do our part to reform our methods of merchandising dogs. We must bring honesty and integrity into our sport and the way we treat the interested public that “wanna buy a dog”.

InfoDog will fire the first salvo in this revolution. We recently introduced a new program called “Winners and Bragging Rights” to all exhibitors. By the time it was operational for little more than a week we already had more than a thousand persons registered in the program. We are receiving more and more each day with glowing reports. Browse the program and see for yourself what a bang-up deal it is. However that’s not the point.

The point is that buried in that program and not fully brought to light is a click to offer the dog displayed FOR SALE. That part of the program is in process of being expanded to become the VERY IMPORTANT PLACE TO SELL PUREBRED PUPPIES FROM RECOGNIZED BREEDERS. We intend this site to become, with the aid of all dog persons, the only right place where the “I wanna buy a dog person” may obtain a healthy, registered purebred from healthy disease-free parents; where they can be assured they are dealing with honest breeders with integrity; where they can receive honest instruction and guidance on the care of their new puppy. We pledge this site to the very important members of our sport, the breeders. We will work with the AKC, the Parent Clubs, The AKC Canine Health Foundation and all others who wish to join with us in correcting the present dilemma.

We want to put an end to puppy mills and unscrupulous dealers and we can do it if we all work together. WE NEED YOUR INPUT AND WE NEED IT NOW WHILE WE ARE REFINING THE PROGRAM. Any ideas you may have we want. Don’t hesitate to have your say. We consider this the most important issue facing the AKC and the entire sport. Registrations are declining, entries are declining and the public no longer trusts the AKC or the sport in general. WE HAVE ALREADY HAD ENOUGH BAD PRESS. LET’S HAVE SOME GOOD PRESS FOR A CHANGE. OUR DOOR TO THE WORLD THROUGH THE INTERNET IS AT YOUR DISPOSAL. LET’S OPEN THAT DOOR AND USE IT!!!!!

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by John S. Ward

One of the issues that comes up before the AKC Delegate body periodically is whether professional judges should be allowed to become Delegates. The AKC Constitution and Bylaws is quite clear on the subject. Delegates who are dog event judges may be reimbursed by the host club of the event only to the extent of their actual expenses; these expenses are defined as those costs associated with lodging, meals and transportation. I would estimate, once every three or four years a motion is made to permit Delegate judges to charge a fee for their services. To date all of these motions have been defeated which would seem to indicate that the member clubs are committed to the principal that the governing delegate body should consist solely of amateurs.

In the early days of the AKC judges and delegates alike were all amateurs. The exhibitors for the most part were wealthy individuals with large kennels, most of which were managed by paid employees who handled all of the associated functions such as breeding, whelping, training and handling the dogs in the show ring. It became obvious that these professional kennel managers for the most part would make excellent dog show judges when they were ready to retire from their kennel management careers. Upon retirement however, many or most of these kennel managers would still have need of income if they were to live decently. Accordingly, the AKC Bylaws were changed to permit judges of dog shows to charge a fee above and beyond their actual expenses.

These great kennels of the past have for the most part disappeared as has the concept of kennel managers. It is quite common however for present day professional handlers to turn to judging when their handling careers are over and it is natural for them to earn retirement income from this activity. However, a large number of our current dog event judges are not former professional handlers and for the most part are otherwise employed on the weekdays between dog shows. Nevertheless, it has become the rule rather than the exception for this latter category of judges to charge a fee above and beyond expenses, which is often tied to the number of breeds for which they are accredited.

There is nothing right or wrong about charging a fee for judging. It is clearly recognized that there are many activities associated with the showing of dogs for which it is entirely legitimate and proper to charge a fee. Where would we be without professional handlers, superintendents, photographers, and of course professional judges?

Let us examine, however, the question of whether it is appropriate for any individual making all or any part of his livelihood out of these dog show related activities. To do so we must of course raise the question of whether there is a potential conflict of interest for these individuals to serve as Delegates to the AKC. If indeed the sport is to be governed by amateurs it is inappropriate for any person who has a financial stake in these dog show activities to vote on policies and regulations which could in turn affect his finances. In other words, one must make a decision at some point which route he or she wishes to take when getting involved more deeply in the dog game than breeding and showing one’s own dogs.

The argument has been made that by excluding professional judges from the ranks of AKC Delegates we are depriving ourselves of a great body of dog knowledge and wisdom which could prove useful in governing the affairs of the AKC. I believe this is a specious argument inasmuch as there are thousands of dog people with the depth of knowledge and experience who are available for service as Delegates. Indeed, I believe that a large number of Delegates are also dog event judges who have cheerfully given up financial remuneration from their dog activities to serve in this honorable capacity.

What to do about it? Nothing! The system is functioning very well and if it isn’t broken don’t fix it.

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A Blast From the Past - Morris & Essex Kennel Club

We have received several blasts from the past in the form of old articles. They were submitted to us by Howard Nygood for publication in the next few MB-F Newsletters. In view of the rebirth of the Morris and Essex Kennel Club, we thought this glimpse into those "good ol' days" would be a treat for those who remember the show and those who have only heard stories.

The articles first appeared in the AKC GAZETTE June 1, 1929. Reprinted here with permission of Neil Singer.

The recent Morris and Essex Kennel Club show, held on the estate of Mrs. M. Hartley Dodge, at Madison, New Jersey, was one of the features of the spring season in the East. The Pomeranian, Ch. Little Emir, owned by Mrs. Vincent Matta, went best in show, defeating many other splendid specimens N o more ideal dog show could be imagined than that given by the Morris and Essex Kennel Club at Giralda Farms, Madison, New Jersey, recently. It was the third annual exhibition of the organization, and as there were more than 1,200 dogs benched it was a most notable affair for a one-day show. Such a large entry was all the more remarkable, because the exhibition was a selective affair, with only a certain number of breeds invited to appear in the ring. As an example, the Pomeranians and the Pekingese were the only toys invited to be judged. There were no toy dogs last year. Therefore the admission of the little fellows was a decided innovation. It is interesting to note that it was one of the toy breeds, the well-known Pomeranian, Ch. Little Emir, the property of Mrs. Vincent Matta, of Astoria, Long Island, New York, that had the honor of winning the sterling silver trophy offered by P. A. Rockefeller for being the best dog in the show. The award was made by Theodore Offerman, of New York. Giralda Farms, where the show was benched, is the country estate of Mrs. M. Hartley Dodge, the well-known fancier of shepherd dogs. Mrs. Dodge was a delightful hostess, giving a most enjoyable dance and supper on the evening prior to the show. The day of the exhibition was ideal in so far as weather was concerned. It was almost a perfect spring day. This was responsible for a gallery that numbered many, thousand enthusiastic spectators who watched the judging in an eager manner. The list of judges included the bestknown experts in the country, Frank H. Addyman handed out the ribbons in the sporting dog division of the variety class. Mr. Addyman’s choice was the famous cocker spaniel, Ch. Lucknow Creme de la Creme, owned by Mr. and Mrs. Frederic C. Brown, of New York City. A clumber spaniel, Ch. Carnforth jewel of Overcross, which is owned by Mrs. Haley Fiske, of Bernardsville, New Jersey, finished second. The third trophy went to Clarion Dinah, a springer spaniel, which is owned by the Clarion Kennels of New York. A Russian wolfhound, Dingy of Mercury, owned by the Valley Farm Kennels of Stamford, Connecticut, was given reserve. Others in the class were the beagle, Rubby M, owned by Harry E. McLaughlin and Helen M. McLaughlin, of Yonkers, New York; the pointer, Ch. Post Road Jeff II, the property of LeRoy A. Fales, of East Greenwich, Rhode Island; the English setter, Frality of Ardagh, owned by Ernest W. Smoot, of Washington, D. C., and the Irish setter, Ch. Rex’s Red Don, which belongs to Mr. and Mrs. William R. Luben, of Brewster, New York. The working dogs were judged by Anton A. Rost. His winning dog was a Great Dane. The big fellow was the harlequin bitch, Anny Tipp Topp of Wildoakes, owned by Mr. and Mrs. Richard C. Bondy, of Goldenbridge, New York. Then came the Doberman pinscher, Big Boy of White Gate, the property of the White Gate Kennels of Willow Grove, Pennsylvania. Third in this class was the well-known shepherd, Ch. Arko v Sadowaberg of Jessford, which is owned by the Jessford Kennels of Jericho, Long Island, New York. Reserve went to the collie, Southport Blue Knight, which belongs to the Bournbrae Kennels of Jersey City, New Jersey. There were no other dogs in this class. William L. Barclay, of Philadelphia, handed out the ribbons for the terriers. He found his best in the wire foxterrier, Burlesdon Banker, owned by F. B. Lord, of New York City. The Scottish terrier, Fairwold Currie, owned by the Fairwold Kennels of Fort Washington, Pennsylvania, finished second. Then came the Sealyham, Windygate Dandy, the property of the Shelterfield Kennels of Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts. Reserve went to Flornell ‘Masterpiece, an Airedale terrier, owned by James M. Manning, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Others in the class were the cairn terrier, Ch. Knipton Dean of Tapscot, the property of the Tapscot Kennels of Wilton, Connecticut; Little Red Iris, an Irish terrier, which is owned by Marcus Bruckheimer, of New York City, and the schnauzer, Bursch v Weil Hitofa, the property of Frank Spiekerman, of Greenwich, Connecticut. Among the toys, which were judged by Alva B. Rosenberg, of Brooklyn, the winning Pomeranian had only one competitor. It was the Pekingese, Ch. Marvel of Shantung of T’San Wen, the property of Mrs. John B. Hadaway. It was a great battle between the Peke and Ch. Little Emir, the Pom, the latter finally winning and so going on to the best in show class. Three non-sporting dogs were judged by G. V. Glebe. He found his best in the bulldog, Son 0' Cinders of Firenze, owned by Lt.-Col. and Mrs. M. R. Guggenheim, of Babylon, Long Island, New York, A. H. Endle’s Boston terrier, Endle’s Speed King, Jr., finished second. The third and last award went to Clairedale Son Too, a chow chow, owned by the Clairedale Kennels of Stony Brook, Long Island, New York. The full list of awards will be found among the corrected and adopted show awards in this issue of the Gazette.----Diogenes. June 1, 1927


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Greetings From The Very Far East

by Dorie Crowe

As some of you know I am presently in Tokyo, Japan accompanying my daughter, who is here on a modeling contract. I have tried my very best to convince her that I have made this great sacrifice to be here with her since she is underage, it is her first time this very far distance from home and that I just might be needed in case of an emergency or illness. In fact, I told her, I should probably get “Mother of the Year” for doing this. She’s not buying it. However, she was glad I was here when she did have a dramatic allergic reaction to something and we had to go to hospital. She recovered quickly after a very big shot and some medication. (See? The mother-Gods are always looking out for us to help prove to our children we do have some brains and good instincts!)

In any event, while she is off working I have been having quite the adventure in getting to know Tokyo over this extended period of time. Naturally, I have been noticing quite a few doggie things and will be sharing them with you (along with photos, I hope) over the next couple of issues of the Newsletter.

During my time here there are plans to visit the Japan Kennel Club. I had correspondence with them prior to my leaving the U.S. and have spoken with them since my arrival, and a meeting is to occur later in July, however, probably not in time for inclusion in this issue. There are no shows at this time in Tokyo or in the near vicinity due to the summer, so I’ll not have a chance to see a Japanese show. But, here are some observations:

I don’t know what I expected in the way of breeds here, but I have seen mostly AKC-recognized breeds. I have seen a couple of Shiba Inu, but no Akitas. I have seen Golden Retrievers, Labradors, Beagles, Poodles (Toy and Miniature), Long Coated Chihuahuas, Italian Greyhounds, Dachshunds (all three varieties), Pembroke Welsh Corgis, Shih Tzu, a Pomeranian, Miniature Schnauzer, Eskimo Spitz, Pug, Ascob Cocker Spaniel and a Wire Fox Terrier.

All the dogs have been in excellent condition and well-groomed; a couple of the Poodles were in Continental cuts. All dogs have been on lead; I’ve seen no dogs off lead.

Dogs seem to be welcome just about everywhere and there are, of course, the usual signs requesting dog owners to pick up after their dogs. And they do. The parks, sidewalks, etc., are all free of dog waste.

This is a country of many people traveling during the course of the day by train, subway, vehicle, bicycle and on foot. Many times during the day I see people headed somewhere on their bicycles with their canine companion on-lead at their side. I see them out for a stroll in the park, their dogs on lead. I see their pets in personal carriers (much like those baby slings parents use to carry their infants close to their chests) peering out at the passersby. I’ve see them cradled in one arm while their owner does their banking. I’ve seen them at their side while their owner was sitting enjoying a beverage at one of the many outdoor cafes. I’ve seen them, lead affixed to a railing, waiting patiently outside a business for their owner to return.

One common thing I’ve observed is that no matter what the circumstance passersby always comment and/or stop to say something regarding the dog, give it a pat on the head, a smile to the owner and then move on to their destination.

There are many dog products on display in a variety of stores, from grocery stores to herb shops to trendy shops. Dog statues and photos are used in storefront displays, from clothing stores to decorating shops.

And then there is television. All television here is in Japanese, unless you have one of the sets that allows for bilingual broadcasts of certain programs (news, weather and some movies). We don’t have that type of set here in our little apartment, so we usually turn down the sound and make up our own dialog (don’t laugh, it works surprisingly well).

Dogs are very prevalent on TV as well. We have the Pedigree and Science Diet commercials. We have seen commercials featuring a Sumo wrestler with a Longhaired Dachshund; a commercial including a family with their Golden Retriever; a person with their Jack Russell Terrier; a child with a Golden and other commercials for a variety of things that just include a dog. These commercials all seem to indicate that dogs are very much a part of peoples’ everyday lives.

We have seen news broadcasts showing police dogs searching for a missing child. We have seen statues honoring a dog; we have seen memorials at a shrine dedicated to departed pets. All in all, I have to say the Japanese seem to be among those compatriots of ours known as “dog people”. Dogs, no matter what the country, no matter what the language, do find their way into peoples’ lives as well as their hearts. More next time.

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Breeders, Brokers And Puppy Mills
by Tom Crowe

For the last several weeks I have been doing a lot of research on the above subject. I am finding out about things I never knew existed. I guess I may have had my head in the sand or, more likely, I’ve been unable to see the forest for the trees. I have had a rude awakening and I intend to do something about what I have discovered. First let me bring you up-to-date with some of the research.

For years I have been aware of puppy mills but never had much thought about their extent until recently. When we first started InfoDog our intentions were to furnish a service to all dog clubs concerning dog shows and other related matters. We soon found ourselves spending a lot more time on the other related matters than we had originally estimated. And now we find InfoDog in a position to be really meaningful as a top website devoted to dogs.

Are you aware there are untold registry bodies for dogs? Organizations providing registration certificates on beautiful parchment paper in gold ink, etc., aside from the AKC and the UKC? To name a few:

CKC - The Continental Kennel Club APR - America’s Pet Registry NAMBR - North American Mixed Breed Registry IAR - International Animal Registry NAPDR - North American Purebred Dog Registry DRA - Dog Registry of America APR - American Purebred Registry ABDA - American Dog Breeders Association USKC - United States Kennel Club WWKC - World Wide Kennel Club WKC - World Kennel Club

And I don’t know how many more there are out there, but I’ m sure you get the idea. This is big business. Altogether there are millions of dogs registered each year. If your qualifications don’t match the registry to which you apply there is certainly another that will, for a fee of course, that is usually less than the AKC. Mostly they accept whatever the applicant submits.

Wow! The puppy mills can produce whatever kind of pedigree they like. Who cares? The consumer has “papers” and maybe they can start their own breeding kennel. I will tell you straight out I think the purebred dog business as we know it has been “going to hell in a hand basket ever since the end of World War II”.

Tom Crowe is an alarmist. He’s trying to sell something. You bet I am. Listen to this: The setup is the title of this article. The potential breeder is approached by a nice person (the Broker) and assures the breeder that he can sell all of the puppies the breeder can breed at a nice price. The Broker then approaches the pet shops and offers to supply puppies with pedigrees as long as your arm at his price (the broker’s fee). The breeder is now part of the puppy mill triangle.

This nonsense that puppy mills are ALL dirty kennels, with terrible living conditions and starving puppies is not entirely true, BUT, the handling of this cash crop is as matter-of-fact as a field of corn or a pen of hogs. Consider this actual happening. At a Parent Club National Specialty in Eastern Pennsylvania, three seemingly Amish ladies in full Amish dress, were standing at ringside admiring the dogs and chatting with other ringsiders. A short time later they were touring the site trying to buy bitches at a good price. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out their possible mission. They were farmers; that’s their role in life, and they were buying the seeds of a cash crop. It’s easier than plowing. No worry about rain or cold or lack of sunshine or whatever. What could be a better way for a farmer’s wife to supplement the family’s income? The triangle is complete the Breeder, the Broker and the Pet Store. There are hundreds of these Breeders and Brokers, some good and most bad without compassion or regard for the animals. They are just a cash crop.

InfoDog has pledged to fight these injustices to our sport. Registrations are down at the AKC. Magazines are denigrating the finest registry of dogs in the world. Television programs are aimed at the AKC for accepting falsified records and there are insufficient personnel as representatives to check all of the suspects let alone the non-suspects. What are we going to do before owning a registered purebred dog becomes meaningless?

Get involved. We are going to fight to correct the wrongs being perpetrated against our Sport, our Registry and our Puppies. If we join ranks and fight together we can cripple the miscreants. Get on InfoDog’s website and see where you can fit in at / 24-hours-a-day every day of the week.

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Some Thoughts On Co-ownerships
by Dorie Crowe


In a previous column Jack Ward expressed some thoughts in regard to some of the things breeders were now putting into contracts with new puppy buyers. I have some thoughts on co-ownerships, not necessarily having to do with the thrust of Jack’s column.

Co-ownerships seem to be fairly popular - just look in any catalog and you will see multiple owners listed for various entries. People also have a myriad of reasons for having multiple owners on their dog. Some people sell their puppy, but want to retain co-ownership to insure the pup is shown. Some invite a co-owner onto their dog to help finance the showing of their dog. Some form what appear to be syndicates in order to finance a campaign; indeed, there are so many co-owners they don’t fit into the computer program even if we leave off the first names or the first initials of all the owners! Some kennels are owned and operated by a partnership and everything they breed is co-owned until sold.

Whatever the reason for co-ownership people need to take a long, hard look at this arrangement and what it means. To begin with, there are NO primary owners in the eyes of AKC. All owners listed on a dog are equal in AKC’s eyes.

We can’t tell you the number of times people come to the desk at shows and want the order of the owners’ names changed to reflect a particular one in the first position. And the majority of the time it has nothing to do with the postal service requiring their name first because of the address that’s being used.

We can’t tell you the number of times people come to the desk at shows because they did not receive an acknowledgement because the other owner sent in the entry and used their own address on the entry. There is only one acknowledgement and one ticket sent per dog. You can’t have multiple addresses or tickets on one dog.

One address on a dog also means one of the owners will not be on the mail file, unless, of course, they are showing another dog as well. This means they will not be receiving premium lists. The mail file is tied to a dog’s registration number and the date it was last shown. If a dog has not been shown in 13 months it is automatically dropped off the mail file.

In an age in which 50% of marriages end in divorce it’s amazing to me that partnerships are continually formed over dog ownership and then the parties are amazed when something goes wrong. Partnerships, like marriages, are also difficult to maintain and partnerships that split can be every bit as vengeful and hurtful as divorcing couples.

We see many instances where there are deputies on the grounds to serve one co-owner with court papers. We see instances where there are officers at ringside to insure one co-owner doesn’t attempt to assault or otherwise interfere with the other. We’ve seen fights, heard namecalling and more. What kind of message is this sending to those spectators who’ve just come to enjoy themselves at the dog show and see what it’s all about? Doesn’t make the sport seem very appealing, does it?

We get calls, we get letters regarding litigation. People continually try to put superintendents and AKC into the middle of their dispute. What owners don’t seem to realize is that until any proceeding is finished and there has been a FINAL ruling (and remember a court case that is under appeal is not final), neither AKC nor superintendents can do anything for either party.

Perhaps if owners did more ground work and more preparation PRIOR to entering into any co-ownership arrangement we would have less malice afterward. Perhaps if owners didn’t enter into co-ownerships we would have none!

Maybe the time has come to have something similar to a pre-nuptial agreement when there are multiple owners being considered for a dog. Spell it all out at the beginning, dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s, cover all the bases, etc., regarding who is responsible for what regarding entries, care, living arrangements and so forth. AND also include an agreement on how disputes are to be handled. For my own part, I’d like to see something in such an agreement that says that any party who resorts to proven underhanded tactics, verbal or physical abuse of the other owner(s) forfeits all rights of ownership.

The other important thing I’d like to see when disputes arise over a dog that’s being shown is that all showing privileges be immediately suspended by AKC until the dispute is resolved. This could mean either the privileges for that one dog, or the privileges of the disputing parties, or both. There is absolutely no reason to subject anyone else to warring owners and the lengths they will sometimes go to to aggravate or hurt the other parties involved in the dispute. We certainly don’t need it ringside - or anywhere else on the showgrounds. We don’t need it online either. Maybe not being permitted to show will encourage people to settle their differences amicably. Maybe it will encourage people to be more careful BEFORE entering into a co-ownership arrangement.

Then again, maybe not. After all, this type of thing always happens to the other guy, right?

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wpe9.jpg (1939 bytes)    The Shaggy Dog Stories


Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it ‘IN’.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.

Always wear them one day after your boss does.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Repeat.

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example: ‘If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.’

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Insist that your e-mail address be ...xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or... I’m_the_man@companyname.com <mailto:man@companyname.com>

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Determine how many cups of coffee are ‘too many’. Enforce.

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel. If no one notices, ditch the snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.

Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, “You’ve got to be faster than that.”

When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car’s windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep ‘em tuned up.

Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Keep strange insects in a jar on your desk in a conspicuous place.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.

Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy.”

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

Dont use any punctuation

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what gender they are.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Wink rapidly in no particular direction.

At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Specify that your drive-through order is ‘to go’.

Stomp on plastic ketchup packets.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Honk and wave at strangers.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.

TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE or type only in lowercase.

“What?” “Never mind. It’s gone now.”

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.

And the final way to annoy people while keeping your own sanity: Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.

(submitted via the Internet by Joni Hartsook)


Dear God:

So far today I’ve done all right I haven’t gossiped I haven’t lost my temper I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.

I’m very thankful for that.

But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed; and from then on I’m probably going to need a lot of help.



For the past two months my daughter and I have been living in a tiny apartment in the Jingumae area of Shibuyaki, a ward in Tokyo. I have been seeing the sights and she has been working (this is an arrangement to which I could become accustomed).

Whilst rambling around this very metropolitan and ancient city, I’ve been exposed to a number of realizations that might possibly translate to the dog world.

Tokyo is a city that handles some 12 million inhabitants (counting those within commuting distance who travel into the city every day). The islands comprising Japan are small, the population is large. Living quarters, by necessity are small and everything in them is compact. You would not usually be invited to a friend’s home because of this, but you would meet at restaurants and clubs. Space is at a premium.

Probably through necessity, rules of civility and harmony and honor have evolved over the centuries and everyone adheres to them.

People treat one another graciously; the smallest trinket is wrapped with care. It is rare to hear a raised voice; they speak to everyone civilly. Care is taken of other’s property. The population boasts a 99% literacy rate. There is very little crime. People regularly leave their trucks open while delivering supplies, park their bikes or motorbikes and leave them, leave their grocery carriers at the store entrance while shopping, fall asleep on the trains.

We are not talking Pollyannas here. During rush hour it’s more or less survival of the fitest - the “tush pushers” (yes, an actual job duty) are out there on the subway platforms packing people into the trains with their gloved hands while you are squished like a sardine; no one gets up and offers their seat to an elderly person or woman. More than 60% of adult males (down from 85% a decade ago) smoke here; you can forget about non-smoking sections of anything. If you’re out there you’re expected to deal with everything just like everyone else. They also have their share of scandals and renegades and their youth have their rebellious element and their own mode of dress.

Vendors keep within their space, no spreading out; they figure out how to best display their wares within their allotted area.

There is no tipping - people perform their jobs with graciousness and care. Some of the more elegant established hotels or western restaurants may add a service charge to your bill, but the everyday places you frequent and the taxis don’t expect a tip for performing their jobs to the best of their ability.

You are a guest and are treated as a guest. However, guests are also expected to act graciously and within the rules of civility, harmony and honor.

What does this have to do with the dog world? While we don’t compare in the sheer magnitude of the population of Tokyo (or all three of the islands), we have a way to go in incorporating civility, honor and harmony into our daily dog world routines.

Some take not only their allotted grooming, parking or vendor space, but two or three other’s spaces as well.Some talk unkindly about their competition, some don’t treat others civilly. Some don’t take care of other’s property (show grounds), some raise their voices at show officials, parking officials, competitors. There is no feeling of need to get along with others.

Some take no responsibility for their actions; some attempt to ruin others anonymously. Some don’t always act with honor.

If we are the host we don’t always act accordingly; if we are the guest we don’t always act accordingly. I wonder how this looks to new people thinking of coming into the sport. I wonder how this looks to those whom we’ve invited to view our sport.

Sometimes we can take lessons from others. Usually we are very good at taking from others. It would be nice to take civility, harmony and honor and incorporate them into our sport on an everyday basis. It would be nice to begin today.


Humor is a good thing.

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