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May 2000 Newsletter - Volume 3. Issue 5

In This Issue

2000 MB-F, Inc.

You may use this paragraph as permission to reprint any article in the MB-F Newsletter providing 6rticles are printed in their entirety, proper credit is given to the author and to the MB-F Newsletter, and a copy of the publication in which it was reprinted is sent to the MB-F Newsletter, P.O. Box 22107, Greensboro, NC 27420. Opinions expressed by authors in this publication are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher. Publisher reserves the right to edit.

Free For All
By Bob Christiansen

The Internet revolution has really turned into a “Free for All” market place. Everything seems to be free on the web – free phone number directories, free news, free weather, free up-to-the minute stock quotes, free web browsers, free long distance phone calls, and on and on. All this wonderful information has become free and available at your fingertips. The Internet business model revolves around generating a valuable audience of traffic to a web site based on content, with revenue tied to advertising and e-commerce. It reminds me of the business model of television. You either access the TV signal for free or pay a monthly cable connection fee and you are free to “browse” all the TV your eyes care to watch. Actually, the wonderful “free” content of shows, news, and is what holds your attention ‘til you see advertisements and inducements to buy items from commercial enterprises that pay the network for the right to display their wares.

The Internet companies giving away “free” information and services have raised tremendous fortunes. Many times do-it-for-free companies are coming online and spoiling an industry for everyone else. On the Internet people expect a lot of things for free. If you don’t give it away, some other start-up will. Internet companies are successful if they can build a large audience of users without spending much and turn them into paying propositions by bringing in advertising dollars or moving users into online commerce.

Internet pioneers such as Yahoo have proved this strategy. There is no charge for its Internet directory service yet it has revenue in the hundreds of millions and a market valuation in the double digit billions. Netscape gave away browsers for free and yet America Online acquired them for $10 billion. Hotmail, Inc. gave away free e-mail and yet was purchased by Microsoft for $400 million. Both of these acquisitions were valued based primarily on the volume of users and traffic.

How does this relate to the dog business? Well, the AKC is sitting on a virtual gold mine. They are basically the only game in town when it comes to purebred dogs. They have the name, the database, the studbook, and (at least for the time being) the integrity to take purebred dogs to unbelievable new heights in this information age. The three-part AKC mission statement says that the AKC should:

1. Maintain a registry for purebred dogs and preserve its integrity. 2. Sanction dog events that promote interest in, and sustain the process of, breeding for type and function of purebred dogs. 3. Take whatever actions necessary to protect and assure the continuation of the sport of purebred dogs.”

Furthermore, the 1999 AKC Annual Report states “The long-range goal is to be the world’s undisputed Internet authority on all things canine, so that the greatest number of people can access the kind of accurate and up-to-date information that only the AKC can provide.” The only true asset the AKC has is information. This information exists in the studbook; the member clubs, the judges, and show records. This information enables the AKC to achieve its mission statement.

The new AKC web site is a good start. It has come a long way from the original design and I’m sure there are great plans for improvement. I do have one strong and fundamental suggestion for the current AKC site and that is the purpose of this article. I sincerely believe the AKC should provide pedigrees and show records completely free on its web site. The AKC has already been paid for the registration of the dog in the studbook as well as a recording fee for the show records. Why are they also charging for people to simply look at this information? The purpose of pedigrees and show records is to sustain the lifeblood of purebred dogs. The relatively small revenue generated for access to this information only serves to limit its use and further fuel the decline in registrations.

The general public should have full access to breeding and show records and the ability to use it for its true value. Its true value and purpose should be to provide research to make a more intelligent decision when purchasing or breeding a purebred dog. Puppy mills with no show or champion records would become obsolete once this information is widely available. The Internet could become an efficient information space for the betterment of purebred dogs. The AKC would gain revenue from advertising, e-commerce from sales of dog-related items, and ultimately larger registrations. This is a virtual gold mine!

Privacy is a very big “buzz” word these days. Opponents to what I advocate will cry that open access via the Internet to this data cannot be accomplished due to privacy issues. Pedigrees and the studbook have always been available to the general public. The pedigree and show records do not contain addresses and phone numbers and actually do not contain any information not already available in a dog show catalog, the AKC awards publication, and now superintendents’ web sites. It would not take a moderately talented programmer a great deal of effort to compile the data in the stud book and awards publication and build an electronic database. I have already seen one vendor at dog shows who was compiling the show/judge records by scanning them from the Gazette Awards publication and writing the data to a simple visual basic database. He was selling a service on CD’s for a few hundred dollars per year. It might only be a matter of time before someone else catches on and beats the AKC to the free and open world of the Internet with pedigrees and show records.

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FINAL PHASE IN STREAMLINING OF MICHIGAN OPERATIONS
by Fred Lyman

We are pleased to announce that the last phase in streamlining the MB-F Michigan operation is upon us. Beginning August 1, 2000 entries will only be processed in the North Carolina office. The Michigan office will continue to receive mail, as does our California office, but entries will be forwarded to North Carolina for processing.

This change will be an enhancement to our service to exhibitors and to clubs. At present exhibitors aren’t sure which office they should contact when they need information or they have a problem with an entry. This change will enable exhibitors to make one phone call for information or to resolve any problem.

Over the last year all contracts, settlements and payables have been moved to the North Carolina office with great results. Having these items in one central location has been an improvement in the efficiency of our service to clubs. Taking this next step will now allow us to more efficiently handle questions or problems of exhibitors as well.

One thing we want to make clear is that there are NO plans to close the office in Madison Heights. This office is an integral part of our business. Our excellent set-up crew in this office is vital to our effort to provide knowledgeable, dependable support to those clubs serviced out of the Michigan office. In addition, the proximity of this office to many of the clubs in this area allows us to continue to provide service with a personal touch. Those clubs and exhibitors who regularly visit this office should continue to do so.

In the midst of these important changes we also have some important personnel announcements as well. Scott Singleton, Vice President of Detroit Operations, and MB-F Superintendent, has resigned from all duties with MB-F so that he may devote more time to his family. Scott stepped in to help with the initial changes in the Michigan office and made himself available to clubs on a day-to-day basis. We appreciate his willingness to help during that time and want to wish him many happy years as he returns to retirement.

Richard W. Hamlin, an MB-F Superintendent for the last 10 years will be stepping in as Manager of the Michigan office. Dick, along with his wife, Eleanor, are already known to many of you. Prior to joining MB-F he was involved in Management at General Motors Corp. in Engineering Budget and Cost. He has also been an Insurance Manager with a Michigan bank. He was featured in the January 2000 issue of the MB-F Newsletter.

Dick would like you to know he is at your service and can be approached any time and is more than willing to help. You may reach him at our Michigan office: 32351 Edward Av. or PO Box 9999, Madison Heights, MI 48071. The Michigan office main telephone number is 248/588-5000. You may also reach him on the toll-free Michigan club business only line 800/451-3034. E-mail may be sent to richard@infodog.com at any time.

Clubs should also continue to contact our Greensboro, NC office at the toll-free club business only line 800/334-0813 to talk directly with those departments involved in the production of your show.

We are confident this final phase in the streamlining of operations to eliminate redundancies will be met by the Fancy with the enthusiasm and positive response that our earlier changes inspired.

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From Where I Sit
by John S. Ward

From time to time one hears from individual AKC Delegates that the Delegate body should have more power. Presumably this would entail transferring certain functions and authority from the Board of Directors to the Delegates. Before we consider whether this should be done it might be interesting to review how things were done in the past to see whether Delegate participation in the affairs of the AKC has increased and if so to what extent. I have been an AKC Delegate for 40 years and I’d like to review for you how the system worked when I was the new kid on the block.

At that time the top management of the AKC differed substantially from the structure we have today. A single individual served both as President and Chairman of the Board, was an unpaid amateur, and was other otherwise employed. He presided over both the Board and the Delegates’ meetings and was elected from among the members of the Board. The principle full-time paid employee of the Club was the executive Vice President, who was assisted by an Executive Secretary and a Secretary. The Treasurer was then as now selected from the members of the Board and was unpaid.

Directors were elected for four-year terms as now. A nominating committee was chosen by the Board each year, met once at the headquarters in New York and their Chairman was told discretely by the President which individuals were preferred by the Board of Directors. The committee in due course endorsed these suggestions and that was it. Nominations by petition were possible but never occurred.

The Delegate body at that time of course was only about half as large as it is now. The quarterly meetings of the Delegates in New York began with a luncheon from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m., after which the meeting was called to order. The meetings lasted from about 20 minutes to 40 minutes without a written agenda. There were no women Delegates; the only woman present was Phyllis B. Everett a longtime employee of the Club.

There were no objective standards for prospective judges, either conformation or obedience, and there was no limitation on the number of breeds an applicant could qualify for. Judges could be suspended or otherwise disciplined without formal meetings or rights of appeal.

I think I have made my point which is simply that the AKC in those days was an elitist organization. Fortunately many of the more autocratic practices have vanished and it has become more responsive to its public.

Two changes have taken place with regard to the Delegate body, both of which have had a very positive impact. In former years the Board did very little to encourage clubs to become members of the AKC. In the past 10 years or so however the requirements for membership have been liberalized, including making provision for admittance of field trial clubs and the number of member clubs has steadily risen.

The other change which occurred in the early ‘90s was the establishment of Delegate Committees. This action has greatly facilitated group discussion and consideration by the Delegates of a wide variety of activities related to our sport.

Which brings me back to the subject I raised in the first paragraph of this column, that is, how to increase the effectiveness of the Delegate body which of course would enhance its power. There are currently eight Delegate standing committees plus a committee which oversees the publication of Perspectives, the Delegate newsletter. In my opinion the number of Delegate Committees is too large, which has resulted in diffusion of their effectiveness and dilution of the impact of their reports and recommendations. If the number was reduced to three or four I believe they could address broader issues, thereby concentrating on policy matters which of course is where true power resides.

When Delegate Committees were first proposed, the Board created a committee to look into the matter. The committee consisted of five Delegates and two Board members, and the committee elected its own Chairman, who could not be a Board member.

I strongly recommend that the Board reconstitute such a committee with the objective of examining the present structure of Delegate Committees. I would hope that such a committee would reach the same conclusion that I did and would recommend that the committees be more sharply focused by reducing their number.

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The Professional Handler
by Dorie Crowe

In light of the recent discussions regarding Professional Handlers I just had to say something. I’ve been very involved on a personal or business level with Professional Handlers most of my life. My father was an AKC Licensed All-Breed Professional Handler when it seemed to mean something and elicited respect as a profession. I didn’t show many dogs because I was always back at the crates or grooming dogs, feeding dogs or shoveling the exchange of food in the x-pens and kennel runs, or washing down runs and stalls. But I did see and interact with the Professionals and have observed them over a long period of time.

I don’t know what some folks think Professional Handlers are – but it’s clear many people do not understand what a Professional Handler is or does. The extent of their knowledge about the profession is the perception that all handlers win all the time and leave no room for the hobby breeder/amateur in the sport.

I suspect this supposition began planting itself firmly in the public eye when AKC discontinued licensing handlers and absolutely anyone who wanted to call themselves a “handler” (and we see a BIG difference between a “Handler” and an “Agent”) could do so. This was a gross injustice to both the Professional Handler and to the Fancy as well.

What do you think a true Professional Handler is? What do you think a true Professional Handler does? Well, in the limited space available here’s a brief bit of information:

For starters, the Professional has come up through the ranks just like you. He or she usually began by showing the family dog, many times in Juniors, finding out it wasn’t the best, and getting a better one. This doesn’t mean they necessarily went out and purchased the better dog; they may also have bred some litters to get that better dog.

As he/she (hereafter I’ll be using the editorial “he” recognizing that “she” is equally important) became more proficient as an owner/handler, people noticed what a good hand he had, and the fact he was doing a lot of winning, and so asked him to handle their dog, too. Or, as a Junior they began working at shows for a Professional Handler and when they became of age they began working full-time as an apprentice to that Handler. After a time, the apprentice began to handle some of the dogs. After several years both the Handler and the apprentice agree that it’s now time for the apprentice to go out on their own.

During that time the apprentice is learning all aspects of caring for dogs, grooming, handling bookwork, assessing judges likes and dislikes, kennel management, guiding a dogs’ show career, choosing advertising, assuming responsibility for the animals in their charge, etc. All during this time their love of dogs and their love of the Sport became so firmly entrenched they could not imagine ever doing anything else in their lives.

There was a logical and practical progression in the career of a Professional Handler. Once a handler, some never left the show ring; some went on to judge or become active on some other level. No matter which, the Professional never stopped learning, never stopped being involved on some level. Usually, they had a lasting impact on the sport.

To some degree that’s still true today. However, the sport has been greatly diminished because now anyone who wants to call himself a “handler” can do so just by saying they are a “handler” and maybe printing up a business card. There used to be hundreds of Professional Handlers; now there are thousands of “agents”. Sorry, this just doesn’t make one a PROFESSIONAL.

What does? Well, now you have a dog and you can’t show it all the time, or you just have no talent for the ring, so you want a Professional Handler. First, don’t you want some assurances about this person? You want to know that those who bred your dog have done their homework and that those who judge your dog have passed a course of study. Don’t you want some assurance that the person who’s going to have the care, custody and control of your “precious” for days or weeks at a time has at least met some requirements of responsibility?

In answer to another myth: Professional Handlers will not automatically take any dog that’s offered. There’s no guarantee the true Professional will take the dog. If the dog is a good one, the Pro may have a number of dogs in his string that would preclude him taking on another and doing it justice. Or, he may have another of the same breed he has already committed himself to showing for a period of time, which would also mean he couldn’t do yours justice.

OR, maybe the dog is just not a good one in his eyes. A true Pro will always tell you the truth about your dog – even if it’s not what you want to hear. You have to remember, the Professional’s reputation is built on the dogs he shows and the way he cares for them and his clients. The Professional will be honest with you in his assessment of your dog, will give you reasons for that assessment and will not encourage you to show a “bad” dog.

Do you realize how valuable a service this is? No? Just ask those persons who were told by a so-called “agent” he’d show their dog and many dollars and months later the dog doesn’t have a point but they’ve been told by many judges that it’s just not a good specimen. You should hear the phone calls we get every week from some exhibitor who says their “agent” won’t call them to let them know how their dog did. They call to find out whether their dog was marked absent at shows so they can be sure they’re not being billed for service they didn’t get. This so-called “agent” also has nothing to do with the conditioning, training, grooming or caring for the dog. He has no investment in the job. Many times he doesn’t even transport the dog, he just shows up at the show, takes the dog into the ring, collects the fee and heads for home.

During a dog’s career the Professional Handler is usually responsible for the day-to-day conditioning, training and grooming and care of the dog. He is responsible for advising where the conditions are most favorable for a win for entering the dog. (Professionals know every judge’s likes and dislikes and tailor their exhibits under that judge accordingly. That’s good business. You want to cry “foul” because of this? Give me a break – Juniors keep the same kind of information, as do longtime breeders.)

The Professional has an investment in his facility and he is responsible enough to have the appropriate insurance coverage on that facility and for his on-the-road activities. He is responsible enough to insure that any animal in his facility is cared for at all times – especially when he is on the road.

The Professional will also be responsible for any advertising campaign. He will know the best place for your ad, he will know the best picture, he will know which win is best to advertise.

The Professional will know the background of your breed. He will know the pedigrees, he will know whether you should breed to the animal you’re thinking about. Chances are the breeding will take place at his facility. The Professional can look at a litter, as can the longtime breeder, and advise you which are the “keepers”.

The Professional gives back to his sport. He is usually available for programs, for panel discussions, for support of his local kennel club, for advice to Juniors, for judging matches or Juniors, for grooming clinics and a myriad of other activities that he is called upon to undertake within the community because he’s the local “expert”. And they do this with a smile and for the good of the sport.

This is not to say all Handlers are perfect. Some can be a pain in the butt, some can be overly impressed with their own importance, yes, but they are few and far between and no different than some exhibitors or judges.

We don’t object to judges charging a fee for their services. Why is there such an objection to the Professional Handler? We do, however, object when some incident occurs and there is no action taken. The Professionals object just as strenuously. They want their ranks policed – but there has to be disciplinary action that will be meaningful.

This is just one of the reasons it is important for AKC to once again have a program for licensing, certifying or registering Professional Handlers. A clear set of consequences for offenses must be part of that program -–and those consequences must be meted out with a strong, equitable hand.

A governing body that sets the Rules and Regulations must not be afraid they will be sued. They have set the Rules and Regulations, if a person agrees to abide by them or accept the consequences — seems pretty clear to me. Any governing body must be ready to defend its position if it wishes to continue to be a governing body. That comes with the territory.

Professionals want to be recognized as professional. They want people to know they have demonstrated their capabilities and can meet all the requirements set forth by the licensing body.

If you are not willing to accept consequences, you don’t apply to be accepted into a program and don’t agree to abide by the Rules and Regs. If you feel you must try to weasel your way out of a situation, maybe that’s a clue you were in the wrong and maybe you are also in the wrong job.

If you clearly violate those Rules and Regulations, disciplinary action is meted out and that’s pretty much it, as far as I’m concerned. You screw up, you pay. Any parent deals with consequences to actions every day of their child’s life. By the time you get to be an adult, this should not be a surprise.

Here’s another thing that gets to me: The Professional Handlers get all the breaks and all the favors. In truth the true Professional usually doesn’t ask for favors – he knows the Rules, he already knows what he’ll be told. The reality is the Professionals are not usually cut ANY slack because they are expected to know what the score is and to abide by the Rules and Regulations. They set themselves out as Professionals and they are expected to be and act accordingly.

Do they come with suggestions? Do they come with ideas that will benefit all the dogs at a show? Yes. Are they taken? Sometimes. The difference is they have usually thought it out carefully based upon their years of experience before they come and they are not usually looking to benefit only themselves.

Now in an interesting twist comes the statement that for the AKC to be pro-active in helping to assure the public that those who hold themselves forth as Professionals have met some standards they are “coddling” the Professional Handler. Well, try this one on: Since many of the Delegates are judges, and the Board members are judges, it would seem the AKC would be “coddling” judges, if they were inclined to “coddle”, not the professional handlers. I don’t know about you, but I have yet to hear a judge say he’s been “coddled” in his march through the approval process.

Get a grip, folks, this is a positive thing. Professional is not a dirty word.

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A Word From  the AKCCHF

OPERATION TO CORRECT OCULAR MOTOR PROBLEM AVAILABLE

The V A Medical Center in Cleveland, OH is seeking additional canine research subjects with Nystagmus, a genetic defect that causes the eyes to move rapidly back and forth. The Ocular Motor Neurophysiology Laboratory has been studying the eye movements of Belgian Sheepdogs with this defect.

As a result of these studies, they have developed an operation on eye muscles that slows the oscillation and allows the dogs and humans to see better. They have begun to apply the operation to humans who have the same eye oscillation and have had good results.

The lab currently has two females and one male who should be carriers of the gene, and is looking for information from anyone who has noted such eye movements in Belgian Sheepdogs or other breeds. Dr. Louis F. Dell’Osso, Ph.D.,Director, requests information from breeders or owners who have puppies with this defect. Contact him at 216/421-3224 or by e-mail at lfd@po.cwru.edu.

NARCOLEPSY SUBJECTS NEEDED AT STANFORD UNIVERSITY

The Stanford Center for Narcolopsy is seeking additional canine research subjects with narcolepsy. To be included dogs must experience sudden episodes of muscle weakness/paralysis when excited by the presentation of food or by other positive emotion.

The Center requests clinical information, a blood sample and possibly a cerebrospinal fluid sample with assistance of a veterinarian. Dogs will be quickly adopted by the Stanford Center for narcolepsy and/or treatment guidance will be provided. Contact Emmanual Mignot, M.D., Ph.D., at 650/725-6517 or mignot@leland.stanford.edu. Or contact S. Nishino at 650/723-3724 or nishino@leland.stanford.edu.

PRESIDENT’S COUNCIL BOOTH ACTIVITIES FOR 2000

The President’s Council now has 81 members representing 30 states. The year 2000 will continue to be busy with visits to clubs and dog shows across the country.

The next few months will include visits to the Norwegian Elkhound Association of America and Boxer Club of America in Frederick, MD; the American Maltese Association in Las Vegas, NV, and the Longshore-Southport Kennel Club and Farmington Valley Kennel Club in CT. The AKC/CHF will also have a booth presence at the May 26-29 shows in Plainfield, NJ.

The Foundation receives numerous requests, and every effort is made to match club requests with available President’s Council members. We thank all the clubs who are interested to learn more about the work of the AKC/CHF, and all our President’s Council members who volunteer to make presentations.

ANNUAL FUND SPRING APPEAL

The Spring Fundraising Drive is underway at the Foundation. Donations are tax-deductible and will ensure the continuation of the important canine health studies. Current projects include studies for Auto-Immune Disease, Behavioral Disorder, Cancer, Deafness, Epilepsy, Eye Disease, Heart Disease, Hip Dysplasia, Hypothyroidism, Kidney Disease, Skin Disease, and continued work on the Canine Genome Map. Donations also fund canine health education projects.

The Annual Fund campaign is the main artery of the Foundation’s fundraising efforts. It is the largest public source from which funds are raised for canine health research. Last year, the total raised from individuals, clubs and corporations was $809,896.00 and from membership was $54,778.00. The goal for this year’s Annual Fund is to raise $1.3 million. All donations are appreciated as we work for the improved quality of life for dogs and their owners.

For imformation on how to make your donation for the year 2000 and to request a packet of information on planned giving call toll-free 1-888/682-9696.

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From Beginning to End
by Dorie Crowe

Well, as the saying goes, “And now for something completely different….” In the last few months there have been two interesting dog books that have crossed my desk. Another curious note was that one covers the beginning of your pup’s life and the other addresses the end of your cherished companion’s time with you. In my opinion both books would be worth your while to incorporate into your activities within the Fancy.

The first book, whose publication was funded by the AKC Canine Health Foundation and the Minnesota Agricultural Experiment Station, is “Future Dog: Breeding for Genetic Soundness,” by Patricia J. Wilkie. This amazing little book (107 pages) manages to give you a course in genetics in terms everyone can understand. And if you’re confused about some terms they give you a glossary at that point in the text. There are wonderful, clearly explained definitions, extremely good graphics depicting the information they give, and, of course, many color photographs.

The discussions regarding DNA are especially relevant to these times in our sport. Those who watched the O.J. Simpson trial may have had their heads spinning through all those discussions of DNA and markers, etc. These pages contain down-to-earth information on those subjects and more – creating genetic maps, selecting the best genes, inheritance, mutations, etc. What a great gift or trophy to give; what a good book to have as part of your own library!

You may obtain this book directly from the AKC Canine Health Foundation, 251 West Garfield Rd, Suite 160, Aurora, OH 44202 (Ph: 330-995-0807 or e-mail to akcchf@aol.com). An added bonus is that a portion of the proceeds of the sale of this book are returned to the Foundation to further its activities promoting the health of our canine companions. This is a certainly a win-win situation.

The second book, “Angel Pawprints: Reflections on Loving and Losing a Canine Companion,” is edited by Laurel E. Hunt and published by Hyperion. This little book (170 pages) is a collection of vintage photographs paired with prose and poetry by literary luminaries such as Rudyard Kipling, Eugene O’Neill and William Wordsworth as well as lesser known authors. It is for anyone who has ever lost a dog and those in need of immediate comfort.

Verses and stories from the 1800s to the present day pay tribute to the special place our dogs have in our lives. The look of the volume, from the old photographs to the color of the paper give a vintage, peaceful and quiet quality to the reader. Some of the text will be familiar to you (how often have we seen “The Rainbow Bridge”?) and some will catch you completely by surprise. In my opinion, the main thing that gets you about this book is that every page will touch someone. (If you’re anything like me you should have tissues at hand when you read it.) As it expresses completely the feelings all of us who have an animal must face at that sad time here are voices that tell you “I understand; you are not alone.” There is probably someone you know right now who could use this book.

This book may be obtained through Hyperion, 77 West 66th St, NY, NY 10023-6298 (web address: www.hyperionbooks.com). (FYI: We are also told they will be publishing a cat version of this book tentatively called “Angel Whiskers” in February of 2001.)

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wpe9.jpg (1939 bytes)    The Shaggy Dog Stories

THE SENILITY PRAYER:

God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded...

5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone to decide to play chess?

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses... they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

(submitted by Patricia Reuter via the Internet)

Let Dead Dogs Lie

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help.

The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.”

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the Lab thinks your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, “$650.

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man....

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and Lab tests.”

(submitted by Bob Carlough via the Internet)

A ‘RIBBITING’ TALE

A man enters his local bar holding a frog and an iguana. He sets them down on the bar and says to the bartender, “I bet you $1000 that my frog here can sing any song you can think of.”

“Ok,” says the bartender. “How ‘bout ‘Blue Moon’?” The man whispers something to the frog, and the frog starts singing ‘Blue Moon’.

“That’s amazing,” says the bartender as he slaps down $1000.

“I’ll bet ya another $1000 that my iguana here can do that, too.”

“Ok, I can believe a frog, but not an iguana. You’re on. Have him sing the ‘Star Spangled Banner’.”

The man whispers something to the iguana and it sings the ‘Star Spangled Banner’. As the bartender hands over another $1000, a businessman comes up and says, “I just saw that and I was amazed. I want to buy your iguana for $100,000.” The man said ok, he exchanged the iguana for the money and the businessman left.

The bartender said, “What are you nuts? You could have made millions with that iguana!”

The man said “Oh, the iguana can’t sing. The frog’s a ventriloquist.”

(submitted by Mel Appell via the Internet)aa

 

 

 

 

Humor is a good thing.

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-- particularly a true story --
please send it in and share a good laff with fellow dog enthusiasts.

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P.O. Box 22107
Greensboro, NC 27420

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