June
2000 Newsletter - Volume
3. Issue 6
In
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THOUGHTS ON REGISTRATION …AND DATELINE
by Dorie Crowe
No matter where you go, to whom you
talk, or with whom you chat online, everyone has an opinion on
what to do to keep puppy millers and commercial breeders out of
the equation regarding purebred dogs. How registrations can be
handled better or how an AKC registration may be made more
valuable in the scheme of things figures pretty heavily in
anything that must be considered. Indeed, we have devoted a lot of
time, effort and resources in trying to answer these questions
Along comes a program with a
primetime audience like NBC’s Dateline showing the public what’s
behind those pet shop puppies and we want to applaud them for
showing things we’ve all been telling people about for years. In
the next moment, however, they belittle the AKC registration
process by showing they defrauded the system. On one hand, while
watching this program I wanted very much to see a strong response
from AKC. On the other hand I am well acquainted with the fact
that what a production may take hours to film usually ends up a
few seconds (or a couple minutes, if you’re lucky) fitted into
the finished program. And, depending upon their slant to the
story, what you said can be creatively edited so you don’t
recognize anything you recall saying during filming. Or, they
leave the really important points out and you end up with a “sound
bite”. (Example for those of you who saw this program: the USDA
interviewee certainly didn’t come across as very professional or
informed, did he?)
The program is over. There was a
follow-up the next week. Well, now what?
In these times of trying to assure
the importance of having a purebred dog, correctly bred by a
responsible breeder, we think it’s important to make the AKC
Registration stand for something. No matter how much AKC wants to
present itself as a “Registry” and policy maker only, the fact
is they ARE the governing body for the sport and people look to
any governing body for guidance and a standard of excellence.
Anyone knows that the term “AKC registered” carries with it an
implied value. Though they rightly cannot endorse any one breeder
or any one dog AKC should be taking the leadership role in making
the term “AKC Registered” stand for quality. The way you make
the registration of a purebred dog valuable is by insuring that
the purebred dog breeder meets requirements for a standard of
quality or excellence in breeding.
In past issues of the Newsletter we
have discussed various ideas regarding registration that appeared
on our Breeders Discussion Forum at infodog.com. We also discuss
this topic out on the road and in our offices. Most recently,
Charlotte Stacy Brown (one of our Superintendents, a former
Professional Handler and former breeder), Anna Tiedemann (another
of our Superintendents and a former breeder) and I had one of
those conversations over a couple of lunches. (Isn’t it nice how
one can always manage to solve many of the world’s thorny
problems over a nice lunch in a pleasant atmosphere with civilized
conversation?) In those conversations we discussed the following
items:
There are registering bodies
(foreign) that require inspection of each prospective sire and dam
for disqualifying faults, temperament, etc., BEFORE they may be
bred. How do you suppose that would go over in this country? Of
course, the first question is, “Who is doing this inspection?”
This is an important question that certainly deserves a lot of
thought and a fair and objective formula to be applied. We believe
this is where the National Breeders Alliance could play an
invaluable part. Could it be done? Absolutely. The fact that it is
already being done is proof that it is logistically possible.
Would this be “too much trouble” and a source of concern to
puppy millers and “backyard breeders”? That’s not a bad
thing, is it?
Some foreign registries require a
third person be present to witness a mating. Wouldn’t this be a
good piece of additional insurance along with microchipped,
tattooed and DNA’d dogs?
Some of these foreign registries
mandate there must be proof offered as well that all genetic tests
have been done and there were no inappropriate results in either
of the breeding pair. In regard to this country, breeders who are
responsibly breeding their dogs have already done any genetic
testing recommended appropriate for their breed, haven’t they?
Would taking this extra step make a difference? Might this be “too
much trouble” for some who want to breed their dog(s)? Might
this be “too much trouble” for commercial breeders and puppy
mills? That’s not a bad thing, is it?
(As a point of interest: In horses,
there are grade horses and registered horses. The difference in
the two can amount to $1,000 or more in the asking price. The
American Quarter Horse Association requires the owner of the
stallion to certify through a stud report the names and numbers of
any mare bred by the stallion. He receives the registration
applications, and the stallion owner has to endorse them as
correct, fill in the breeding dates and give to the mare owner,
who completes information and then the application is actually a
registration application. Included with this application is a
diagram in which the mare owner depicts the markings of the foal
from four aspects [front, back, right side, left side] since there
are certain permitted areas of white.
The registry organization that
handles Appaloosas and Paints requires pictures with their
application because of the distinctive markings of these animals.
If any registrations are falsified
that person is out forever – not only expelled from the registry
involved that received the false papers, but every other horse
registry as well.)
Some breeders are already
registering the individual puppies in their litters. If we could
do away with registering litters and immediately register the
individual puppies from the get-go would registrations be helped?
Certainly registration figures would increase automatically if
there were no two-tiered process, wouldn’t they? I’m sorry,
but the argument that “people want to put their own name on
their new puppy” is not a reasonable argument against this type
of one-step registration. People may already change the name a
breeder has put on their dog. Indeed, puppies could be registered
as “Puppy No. 1,” “Puppy No. 2,” etc., if a breeder
thought the process of changing a puppy’s name might deter
someone (although I can’t see how it would when the option is
already there to change a name) from taking a puppy.
If you are going to register
individual puppies from the start we would probably need some sort
of identification process that would accompany the registration
application. Perhaps this could be a time-dated photo (you know,
the picture that is developed with the day/date/year imprinted
directly on the photo – I’m told this can’t be faked) of the
individual puppy showing also unique color or markings, a nose
print, tattoo, or DNA sample. Would this help cut down fraud in
registration? It could, if handled correctly.
Of course there are always going to
be people trying to outsmart the system. But if a bit of thought
is put into the front end of the process and only individual
puppies are registered with proper identification, this just may
be enough of a deterrent to help eliminate some of the fraud that
we know has been committed. (And we know there is fraud because we
see the fines levied in the Secretary’s Page in each issue of
the Gazette and we see the “exposes” the TV producers love to
show, don’t we?) This might also help to deter some breedings.
We also know that some irregularities occur just because there is
bad record keeping on the breeder end or inattentiveness at the
other. If the process is a bit more stringent on the front end,
shouldn’t that make the end result more reliable? That’s not a
bad thing.
If genetic testing, DNA
information, etc., is made mandatory, greater numbers of people
will be availing themselves of these aids, which means that a
better price should be able to be negotiated in advance so the
breeder may accomplish the requirements without going broke.
If genetic testing, DNA supporting
evidence and individual registrations with identification occur
will this not help to insure the Stud Book is kept pure? Will this
not help to insure to the public that an AKC registered dog is a
purebred dog of “quality”? Will this not show both AKC and the
breeders have made a commitment to the Fancy and the public?
And let’s be sure of what we mean
by “quality”. We define “quality” to mean the breeder has
taken care to insure they have bred two sound individuals,
inspected for disqualifying faults and temperament, certified to
be free of genetic disease, with an assurance that the puppy is
certain to have come from that particular litter from those
particular parents.
Would this establish credibility in
an AKC registration? We think so. Would responsible breeders do
this? From conversations we have with breeders many are doing so
now. Would backyard breeders and puppy millers be willing to do
this? Probably not. Would that be a bad thing? Probably not -
because if they didn’t get with the program they wouldn’t be
able to advertise their dogs as “AKC Registered Puppies”,
which means that their value drops and if their value drops they’ve
lost their profit motive. Not a bad thing at all.
Should fees increase? If we can set
up such a program, absolutely. This is not going to be an
inexpensive enterprise for anybody. There would also have to be a
massive ad campaign. If we’re serious about getting something
accomplished we have to put our money were our mouth is. We also
have to get out there and work for it.
There has been talk over the years
of AKC offering some type of “Seal of Approval”. As it stands
now, much of the public already believes the statement “AKC
Registered” implies such an approval. If the above steps were
taken all breeders who could register dogs with AKC would be
meeting requirements that would show they were worthy of the title
of “breeder” and the public could have some assurance they
were getting a sound dog, properly bred, of the breed they had
chosen.
Now, what about the movement to
stop the sale of dogs and cats in pet shops? The movement to allow
the sale of dogs/cats in pet shops only with a spay/neuter policy?
And the idea that any dog sold from a pet shop should be
ineligible for AKC registration? These are not bad ideas either -
but it takes work at the grass roots level as well as nationally.
Shouldn’t it follow that if the commercial breeders aren’t
interested in breeding non-AKC registerable puppies that the
supply of these pups to pet shops will dwindle or dry up
completely? Or, someone who insists on buying a dog from a pet
store might think twice if he must spay/neuter which renders them
unable to produce a litter that would likely end up back at that
same pet store. Not bad things at all.
Here’s a thought: Could pet shops
be enticed out of “AKC purebreds” and into selling, or
becoming involved in the adoption process of, the puppies and dogs
that are now in shelters?
The system some breeders now use
with the limited registration process, or the holding of papers
until they get proof of spay/neuter from the new owner is another
step in the right direction. Of course, the limited registration
will not keep someone from breeding their little Poopsie, but,
again, if the puppies cannot be registered they might think twice
with the knowledge any puppies would have a decreased value to a
prospective buyer. Not a bad thing at all.
We think this Dateline program
should be shown at the next Delegate’s Meeting. We think the
program should be shown at every National Specialty. We think the
program should be shown at your next club meeting. After the
program is over there should be a call for everyone to go home,
put on their thinking caps, meet with their memberships, and come
back to the next Delegate’s meeting with viable ideas to lick
this problem once and for all.
Folks, it’s time to stop bitchin’
about the state of things and get out there and change them. All
of you who are members of kennel clubs have the ability to be a
force for change. All you member clubs have Delegates and you can
be a force for change. All of you together have the power - what
you chose to do with that power is the question. You could make a
real difference in this thing. And that’s not a bad thing at
all.
If you stop complaining and start
organizing and doing it could be a very good thing for AKC, for
the breeder, for the public and for the Fancy. Pretty good deal,
if you ask me.
Top of
Page
ABOUT
AKC REGISTRATIONS WITH AN ASSIST FROM THE PHILOSOPHY OF POGO
by Tom Crowe
(Pogo is, as we know, a fellow with
a lot of experience and his common sense answers often make good
sense when looking for solutions in solving very knotty problems.)
Two things are certain about AKC
registration problems.
One: They are being blown-up to the
sky by problems created by irresponsible breeders running puppy
mills, puppy brokers, pet stores, the public and particularly the
media searching for hot stories.
Two: Very few of the above parties
plus legitimate breeders, exhibitors, clubs and the AKC have
really taken the time or the effort to analyze the problems much
less the possible solutions.
As Pogo says, the problem, really
is us, the insiders. Over the past 117 years everyone concerned
has been looking at the ends of their noses and missing the big
picture building on the horizon. Very few have noticed over the
years that Dog Shows and the popularity of the old breeds plus the
new breeds being recognized has blossomed into a very, very large
business. Suddenly we have a problem thrust upon us that we have
trouble dealing with properly and thereby producing a frenzy,
whereupon we must find a scapegoat. We the breeders, the
exhibitors and the clubs believe we have only one place to turn
and that place is the AKC. We criticize the AKC’s handling of
the matter and demand they do something immediately to correct the
problem. However, “we’s the problem”.
The AKC was formed as a record
keeping association and rules for maintaining those records were
formulated as a Gentlemen’s Agreement. The rules were basically
guidelines for maintenance of the records for informational
purposes to the members to assist in their breeding programs. It
never entered the minds of the founders that anyone would want to
cheat or misinform their friends. Soon, however, jealousy and
remunerative opportunities were all to often becoming a part of
the picture and more rules were adopted for the protection of the
records in order to punish the offenders for violations.
And so it has been in the many
generations that have followed since our founding. No major effort
has been made to create a really satisfactory force to handle the
many infractions that have occurred over a long period of time. In
addition there has never been a substantial reason for introducing
legal penalties into a gentlemen’s sport much less the real
power to enforce legal rulings or legal restrictions outside the
sport. In other words the AKC can take action against individuals
within its own jurisdiction but generally has no power outside
that jurisdiction to enforce its rulings. Now, how we can expect
the AKC to solve our problems as the system now operates? It
almost becomes an impossibility.
So what must we do? We the
breeders, the exhibitors, the clubs, the judges, the Delegates,
the Directors and the AKC staff must come together and attack the
problem as a unit. The breeders must be the forerunners in the
fray through a Breeder’s Alliance. They have the tools produced
by the AKC to protect the entire breeding situation and its
integrity as a registry body plus being a record keeper and
enforcer. The Registrations Department should adapt its records to
include certified pedigrees listing DNA records, photo records and
chip-inserted ID’s. The cost of these proofs of identification
will be well worth the protection and values of the breeders’
breeding programs and the AKC records. These dogs should be kept
in a certified breeder’s data bank and bear a special type
registration. To begin with, as a suggestion, AKC could offer two
different types of registrations.
The first and highest valued
registration should be a Class A registration verified by DNA
testing, inserted chip IDs, special tests, etc., plus a photograph
containing an imprinted registration number. With such information
becoming part of the pedigree security will be considerably
enhanced. This also falls into line with the goals of the AKC
Canine Health Foundation and their research efforts to eliminate
genetic diseases and improve dog health and longevity.
Secondly, the AKC should adopt a
Class B registration having no verification except a statement of
the breeder submitting the application with no inspection or
verification. It would bear the notation This is a CLASS “B”
REGISTRATION “NOT VERIFIED” and accepted only on the basis of
the certification of the breeder. The AKC will state it has no
method available to determine the truthfulness of the information
provided and accepts no responsibility for the information as
provided by the breeder. There should be no further restrictions
on this type of registration, such as show eligibility and/or all
other privileges except where evidence or suspicion of
falsification is in question.
To carry it one step further a
notarized statement by the breeders attesting to the truthfulness
of the documents submitted could back up any legal action
instituted by the AKC or the purchasers of any of the get in cases
of dispute. It is common legal knowledge that to falsify a
notarized statement is punishable by law and could lead to a
substantial fine and/or imprisonment. The adoption of a notarized
affidavit policy will go a long way by itself in suppressing puppy
mill litter and pet store single registrations.
So, using the philosophy of Pogo to
improve the system, we wish to emphasize that the system will not
change or become credible until breeders themselves, the enemies
within, become the leaders without in reforming their own actions
in compliance with the Rules of the AKC.
Top of
Page
THE
PROPOSAL FOR THE NATIONAL BREEDERS ALLIANCE
by Dorie Crowe
For many months now we have made
our time, effort and resources available to aid in the Fight
Against Irresponsible Breeders. This has been done entirely at our
own expense because we feel very strongly about this issue. During
the first few months of this project the idea of forming a
National Breeders Alliance was born. The time is at hand to begin
putting this plan into action.
Here’s how such an Alliance would
work and what it could accomplish:
There would be a national Board of
Directors (we envision seven with an elected Chairman, Secretary
and Treasurer from these seven members). Members of the National
Board would be elected by the breeder community from nominations
made from the breeder community. (You may make your nominations on
the Breeders Discussion Forum at http://www.infodog.com now.)
These should be impartial, objective, breeders with a reputation
for excellence, respected by the Fancy. They may be actively
breeding or may be inactive in the breeding arena at this stage of
their life while still active in other areas of the sport. There
will be one breeder chosen from the East, West, MidWest,
Southeast, Southwest, Central Mountain States and the Pacific
Northwest. The national Board would be the Liaison from the
Alliance to the American Kennel Club. Their job would be to
coordinate their efforts with AKC in being advocates for purebred
dogs, properly bred. The national Board will also be responsible
for producing news announcements and other promotional materials
(with the aid of InfoDog) supporting their mission.
It will be the job of the national
Board to review all documentation sent to them by the regional
Boards. It will be the national Board’s responsibility to
publish on the Alliance’s web site (through InfoDog) the name of
any breeder who has applied for membership in the Alliance asking
for any information in support or opposition to the application.
It will be the national Board’s responsibility to evaluate all
information and supporting documentation received from the
regional Boards and through the web site and accept or reject the
applications for membership. The national Board will also be
responsible for forwarding to the new Alliance member a letter
advising them of the decision of the Board.
There will be a copy of the
Alliance’s Code of Ethics and a Certificate of Membership,
suitable for display, given to each accepted member. The new
member should also note their Alliance membership in any
advertising. The national Board must update the Alliance web site
Breeders Directory (offered through InfoDog) with any new member’s
breed, name, city and state and contact information (either phone
number or e-mail address)
It will be the job of the national
Board to record and account for all application fees and
expenditures. The national Board will also be responsible for the
investigation of complaints against Alliance members and any
disciplinary action that may be taken. Disciplinary action could
include publication on the Alliance web site of the complaint made
and the findings of the Board; recommendation for dismissal from
the Alliance (also published on the web site); recommendation to
the American Kennel Club for suspension from privileges based upon
serious ethics or breeding irregularities or violations.
There would be four regional Board
Members (in each region as listed above, chosen from the breeder
community) who would be responsible for forwarding Alliance
applications to prospective members. The regional Board members
would accept completed applications and be responsible for
checking the references and verifying testing documentation
supplied with the application. They would also assign the
applicant to the local all-breed or specialty club committee
closest to the applicant’s location for facilities inspections.
They will forward a copy of the application and copy of the photo
of the facility to the committee. The regional Board would accept
the Inspection Committee’s report and supporting documentation.
If there are any discrepancies the regional Board should resolve
them with the applicant. If everything is in order at this point
the regional Board will forward all information to the national
Board of Directors for their action.
The regional Board does not accept
or reject applications; they forward their findings to the
national Board for action.
Each kennel club and specialty club
can be involved (this involvement should earn credits for the club
within either the educational realm or perhaps another appropriate
area) with the formation of three- to five-member (depending upon
the breeder population in their area) Inspection Committees.
Members of these committees must be able to be objective and
focused on the task. They are not evaluating the show quality of
the applicant’s dogs or their breeding programs. They are
evaluating information personally observed.
The Inspection Committees will
receive applications/photos from the regional Boards and make an
appointment with the applicant. Only one person is needed per
inspection. All applications must be accompanied by a photograph
of the facilities for the dogs and their whelping area. The person
who inspects the facility of the applicant will have a Facility
Inspection Report form. The person who inspects the facility would
also check the type of records the breeder keeps and check on the
method of identification used for the applicant’s dogs. (The
applicant must provide certain statistics on the application and
it is important to know whether the applicant’s record keeping
methods could easily support those statistics.) It would be the
Inspection Committee member’s job to report any discrepancy
between the number of dogs the applicant has, the facility as
described and pictured in the application and the results of the
actual inspection. The Inspection Committee does not make any
recommendations regarding acceptance into the Alliance. They
simply observe and document what they have actually seen and
forward it to the regional Board.
Breeders wishing to become members
of the National Breeders Alliance must complete a comprehensive
six-page questionnaire and forward with photographs of their
facility and breeding/whelping area and references (their
veterinarian, three non-family people in their breed and three
non-family persons to whom they have sold a pup or dog [one at
least five years ago, one three years ago, and one within the last
year] to the regional Board.
Breeders will pay a reasonable
membership fee (to be determined by the national Board) that will
accompany the application. A percentage of the fee will be
retained by the National Breeders Alliance to be devoted to
national media campaigns, to cover regional Board costs and
National Board costs, etc. A percentage of the
application/membership fee will be forwarded to the kennel club
whose Inspection Committee performed the inspection, and a
percentage will be devoted to maintenance of the web site and
updating of programming.
Membership will be renewable each
year at a reduced fee (also to be determined by the national
Board). Once a breeder is admitted into the Alliance there will be
routine inspections done on a rotating basis. There will be an
inspection and investigation whenever a legitimate, documented
complaint is made. If a breeder drops their membership and wants
to apply for membership at a later date they must start the
approval process from the beginning.
This is the working model for the
National Breeders’ Alliance. We have forwarded this information
to AKC for their comments and have asked them for their
cooperation and support.
We are now asking each breeder,
All-Breed, Specialty and Parent Club for their constructive input.
We have already begun asking for nominations for the national
Board at our web site http://www.infodog.com and some names are
beginning to come in now. We will be asking, too, for additional
agenda items of concern to responsible breeders that the Alliance
should begin to research and address. These items should include
negotiating a reduced price for genetic testing for the
membership. Other items suggested include special offers on pet
insurance and liability insurance. At the top of the list is the
extremely important Fight Against Irresponsible Breeders — it
was this fight, after all, that was the catalyst for the formation
of the National Breeders Alliance.
Who will speak for the breeders?
This is their chance to speak for themselves — in a loud voice!
Top of Page
From
Where I Sit
by John S. Ward
It comes as a shock to the average
novice exhibitor to discover that the best dog in Breed, Group, or
even Best in Show competition does not always win. Their concept
up to this time is that the selection process which takes place at
the show is totally based on the merits of the dog shown and that,
barring ignorance on the part of the judge, a superior specimen
need only be deposited in the ring and that he will inevitably
win. This is the moment of truth for the novice and how he adjusts
to this new concept will determine whether or not he continues in
the sport. Sometimes an experienced exhibitor may be able to point
out to the novice that not only is dog show judging subjective at
best but that conformation to a Breed Standard in itself is not
enough to guarantee a win.
What the novice must understand is
that presentation of the dog in the ring can be just as important
as the dog’s conformation. A dog that will not gait properly
makes it difficult if not impossible for the judge to evaluate its
movement and to determine thereby whether the dog is put together
properly. Successful presentation of the dog in motion is first of
all a function of how adequately the dog has been trained to gait
and secondly is dependent on the handler’s skill in moving at
the proper pace, manipulating the lead so as to control the dog
but not interfere with his willingness to move and finally the
handler’s ability to adjust to the terrain and to successfully
handle his charge smoothly and naturally in the presence of other
dogs and handlers.
The other important aspect of
presentation is of course grooming. While it has little
significance with regard to the smooth-coated breeds, proper
grooming is essential in the case of the long-coated and
rough-coated types of dogs. It might be easier for all concerned
if dogs in the show ring required only a bath and a brushing but
alas such is not the case. As a matter of fact skillful grooming
as you well know is often used to cover up deficiencies in
conformation.
The rationale for the above is very
simple. The breeding and showing of purebred dogs is not only a
pleasurable hobby but it is also a competitive sport. There are
winners and losers at dog shows as there are in most aspects of
human culture and competition is built into our genes. It is
neither immoral nor unethical to take every legitimate step that
might help in putting Phideaux in the winner’s circle.
Which brings us to the subject of
Professional Handlers. Our novice handler is inevitably exposed to
the notion that dog show judging is political and that the amateur
does not have a chance. He is told that if we could only get rid
of the Professional Handlers all of our problems would be solved
and we would all have an equal chance. This of course is sheer
nonsense since in that brave new world the more gifted and hard
working amateurs would rise to the top and we would be back where
we started.
Unfortunately in these days of
instant gratification many new exhibitors are unwilling to spend
the time and effort required to be a successful breeder and a
competent exhibitor and handler. The best advice to give a sincere
ambitious beginner would be to find a mentor such as a successful
breeder and offer his or her services to that individual in return
for assistance in learning how to properly present a dog in
competition. If such an arrangement is not possible, the next best
thing is to join an active breed club so as to be able to draw
upon the knowledge and experience of the more senior members.
One final note. If you discover you
have two left feet, or if you do not have the time to travel to
shows, do not hesitate to use a Professional Handler. All of us
should be capable of becoming knowledgeable breeders, but do not
feel that all is lost if you simply cannot trim a dog properly or
if you cannot walk in a straight line in a ring.
Top of Page
A
Word From the AKCCHF
HEALTH SURVEY TO PARENT CLUBS
The Parent Club Health Survey will
be mailed to the Health Chair and Corresponding Secretary of every
Parent Club in early summer. The purpose of the annual survey is
to gather information about current health research issues and
activities. Information provided by Parent Clubs will be used by
the Foundation to identify health research priorities and projects
of mutual interest among Parent Clubs. This will enable AKC CHF to
serve the Parent Clubs by coordinating health research interests
and soliciting priority projects from research institutions. It is
very important that all Parent Clubs participate. Club officers
with questions are welcome to call Erika Werne, Grants
Administrator, at the Foundation office 1-888-682-9696.
CHF AND RALSTON PURINA SPONSOR
DAY OF SEMINARS AT ISAG
Following their 1998 conference in
Auckland, New Zealand, the International Society for Animal
Genetics (ISAG) will hold their year 2000 conference in St. Paul,
MN, the weekend of July 23-27. The Foundation will work with the
Ralston Purina Company to sponsor a half-day seminar series on
canine genetics in conjunction with the conference. Attendees will
be invited to learn about the latest advances in the field of
canine health research. Printed proceedings from these seminars
will be made available as an AKC CHF white paper titled, “ISAG
Update on Canine Genetics 2000.”
SAMPLES NEEDED FOR CATARACT
STUDY
The AKC Canine Health Foundation is
funding Grant 1637: “Identification of DNA Marker(s) for
Cataracts in Purebred Dogs, with Emphasis on the Breeds Alaskan
Malamute, Siberian Husky, Samoyed,” at Michigan State
University. Researchers currently need samples in these breeds. To
participate, contact the principal investigator, Vilma
Yuzbasiyan-Gurkan, Ph.D., at yuzbasiyan@cvm.msu.edu.
SAMPLES NEEDED FOR CANCER
RESEARCH
The AMC Cancer Research Center in
Denver, CO is recruiting cancer study participants. Dr. Jaime
Modiano, principal investigator of the study, is requesting
samples for melanoma and lymphoma research. Owners of affected
dogs AND relatives of affected dogs in the following breeds are
urged to participate: Rottweilers, Boxers, Giant Schnauzers,
Standard Schnauzers, Miniature Schnauzers, all Scottish Terriers,
Irish Setters, Gordon Setters and Doberman Pinschers. Contact Dr.
Modiano at his office by calling 303-239-3408 or e-mail modianoj@amc.org.
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The Shaggy Dog Stories
IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED…
Bubba and Jake chartered a plane
with a pilot to drop them off in the wilds of Alaska for a week of
elk hunting, just the same as they did the year before.
When the pilot returned with the
plane Bubba exclaimed joyfully to the pilot, “We had a great
hunting trip! We bagged four elk!”
The pilot regretfully explained,
“Unfortunately, our plane can only fly with the weight of two
elk. You’ll have to leave the other two behind.”
Bubba and Jake were both infuriated
and insistent. “We won’t allow you to fly this plane out
without all four elk,” Jake demanded.
The eager-to-please pilot relented
and the plane took off with the three of them and their four elk.
About 15 minutes into the flight the engine started to sputter,
and within seconds they were hurtling to the ground.
Wearily arising from the wreckage,
Bubba looked at Jake and wheezed, “Do you have any idea where we
are?”
Jake, quite pleased with himself,
replied, “Yes! We’re about a mile from where we crashed last
year.” (submitted via the Internet)
HALLELUJAH!
A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal
service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to
stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The
Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you
ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk looks back and says, “Yes,
sir, I am.”
The Minister then dunks the fellow
under the water and pulls him right back up.
“Have you found Jesus?” the
Minister asked.
“No, I didn’t!” said the
drunk.
The Minister then dunks him under
for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and asks, “Now, brother,
have you found Jesus?”
“No, I did not!” said the drunk
again.
Disgusted, the Minister holds the
man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and
demands, “For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!!!??”
The old drunk wipes his eyes and
pleads, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?” (submitted by
Rita Lynch via the Internet)
THEN AND NOW
Then: Long hair Now: Longing for
hair
Then: A keg Now: An EKG
Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux
Then: Moving to California because
it’s cool. Now: Moving to California because it’s hot.
Then: Watching John Glenn’s
historic flight with your parents Now: Watching John Glenn’s
historic flight with your kids
Then: Trying to look like Marlon
Brando or Elizabeth Taylor Now: Trying not to look like Marlon
Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
Then: The President’s struggle
with Fidel Now: The President’s struggle with fidelity
Then: Killer weed Now: Weed killer
Then: The Grateful Dead Now: Dr.
Kevorkian
Then: Getting out to a new, hip
joint Now: Getting a new hip joint
When Sex is good
Everybody who has a dog calls him
“Rover” or “Boy.” I call mine Sex.
Now Sex has been very embarrassing
to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told
the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, “I’d
like to have one, too.” Then I said, “But this is a dog!” He
said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “But
you don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old.”
He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my
honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I
wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He
said every room in the place was for sex. I said, “You don’t
understand. Sex keeps me awake at night!” The clerk said, “Me
too.”
One day I entered Sex in a contest,
but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another
contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around.
I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I
should have sold my own tickets. “But you don’t understand,”
I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a
show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we
went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your
honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge said, “Me
too.” Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He
said, “Me too.”
Last night Sex ran off again. I
spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and
asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?”
I said, “I’m looking for Sex.”
My case comes up Friday.
Humor is a good thing.
If you have a favorite doggy laff
-- particularly a true story --
please send it in and share a good laff with fellow dog enthusiasts.
Send to:
MB-F, Inc.
c/o The Shaggy Dog
P.O. Box 22107
Greensboro, NC 27420
e-mail: mbf@infodog.com
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