2000 Newsletter - Volume
3. Issue 8
©2000 MB-F, Inc.
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Can't Have It Both Ways,
by Dorie Crowe
At every show we attend, without
fail, someone (or several someones) come to our show office and
want to have some information on breeders in the area. One of the
things we tell them is that we are not from the area but we
recommend they speak with those persons who are manning the club
tables. These club people are from the area, they would know who
the reputable breeders are in the area, etc., etc. Imagine our
dismay when we are told, I was just there and they sent me to
Clubs! CLUBS! CLUBS!!!! Breeders!
BREEDERS! Breeders!!! Here we all are professing to want to extol
the virtues of the purebred dog, but when someone asks you dont
give them answers. Please be very aware that many of the
spectators who come to a show are actively looking for a purebred
dog. They are hungry for information. They want someone to answer
their questions and give them some guidance. And, they want to
know where they can get the pup of their dreams.
Many of the clubs now have an
information table set up for the duration of their show. This
table is full of goodies received from AKC Rule Books,
pamphlets on the different events, pamphlets explaining dog shows,
information on registration, etc. There might even be a TV monitor
showing some of the videos available from AKC. But who is manning
this table? Sometimes we see the table has been set up, but no one
has been designated to be there to answer the questions. Or, the
person manning the table might be a non-doggy relative of a club
member who has been enticed to work for the day with the promise
of lunch and a pleasant day.
What you should know is that this
information/education table is extremely important to the growth
and understanding of purebred dogs. The majority of the people who
are coming to this table (many of whom have been sent there by us)
are novices or prospective newcomers who are trying to do the
right thing. They are researching, they are trying to choose a
breed appropriate for their family, they are looking for training
classes, they are trying to get answers to their many questions.
It is extremely important that you
have a knowledgeable, patient, understanding person manning this
It is extremely important that the
club supports this person and this display by being sure this club
person has the information and help they need to do their job.
It is extremely important the club
have breeders in their Directory or Referral program who are
interested in promoting purebred dogs and who are willing to
answer the entire gamut of questions that come from newcomers or
I wish I had a dollar for every
time Ive heard a dog person or the club representatives say
they are working for the good of their breed and for purebred
dogs. (I could be writing this from my house on the hill on the
island of Antigua, whilst gazing periodically out the window at
I dont doubt for a minute that
each person and each club firmly believes this. But the sad fact
is that the ball is dropped in a couple of important areas:
knowledgeable people providing information and talking to
newcomers and novices at shows; knowledgeable, patient people
talking to newcomers and novices after shows. Providing a first
class show is primarily for the club and exhibitors and the
spectators that come are icing on the cake. But its those
spectators that are the future of the Fancy and from what we
hear they are being treated terribly and discouraged at every
We cant have it both ways,
folks. We cant make it our goal to educate and promote
ownership of purebred dogs and then, when we have people
interested in them, treat them as pariahs and make it impossible
for them to get information or, God forbid, actually get a dog!
On our infodog.com discussion forum
there are a couple of posts that speak to this phenomenon: Clubs
that are the authority in their locale who are either unwilling or
not prepared to talk to newcomers. Breeders who constantly speak
of and advertise their dogs, but who make it so difficult for
anyone to get information, let alone have one, the newcomer ends
up going to a pet store.
What are some of the complaints
1. The club contacts were not
helpful/ polite/willing to talk. 2. Club contact did not return
calls even what asked to do so collect. 3. Had unreasonable
call only hours. 4. The club has no telephone number listed.
5. Breeder treated prospect rudely and nastily. 6. Breeders are
rude and snobby. 7. Breeder gave the brush off and/ or ignored. 8.
Breeder made prospect feel stupid and inferior or unworthy.
How can this be? These, as well as
other complaints along the same lines, are made by many who are
trying to do the right thing. Theyve done their preliminary
research, theyve figured out a breed or two that would fit
their family and now they come to the dog show or to a breeder to
get more information and guidance. They wait patiently until the
breed judging is over. What do they get? Mostly berated. Mostly
discouraged. No wonder they run to the pet store where there are
people who cant wait to talk to them and want to sell them a
Now, were not saying that there
are people who approach you with bizarre stories and needs that
shouldnt be discouraged. But maybe discouraged is not the way
these folks should be handled either. Perhaps these are the ones
who need most the patient education that will make all the
difference for them as well as any dog they may eventually get.
And, believe me, they WILL get a dog. Whether the experience is
the best it can be for the owner AND the dog could be up to you.
Every person is not going to be a gem but perhaps they could
be with the right encouragement.
By and large, the majority of
people who get this far have a serious interest and they want a
purebred dog. Theyve come to the experts. Theyve come
exactly where weve asked them to come for advice and counsel.
Then what happens? Its made
nearly impossible for them to have a purebred. Theyre yelled
at; how dare they presume to think they are worthy enough to own a
purebred! On the chance they get past the first part of the
ordeal, there are a gazillion pages of a contract that needs an
attorneys interpretation, they cant own the dog outright its
insisted the breeder co-own
the list goes on and on. This is the
way were enticing people to the Fancy?
Should breeders have requirements
and contracts? Yes. Should breeders ask questions? Absolutely. BUT
breeders should be willing to ANSWER questions and give
explanations, too. You have to remember that most of these
newcomers are like blank pieces of canvas its your job to
inspire them to complete the landscape of a responsible,
knowledgeable owner and a contributor to the future of the breed
and the sport.
You have set yourselves up as the
experts and the trustees of the breed and the guardians of the
sport. Well, with that comes the responsibility to educate those
that will be entrusted with the sport in the future. If you are
not willing to accept this responsibility, dont breed dogs that
you are going to want to place outside your home or kennel. If you
want to keep everything yourself dont place your name in the
clubs Breeders Directory.
When we get calls and e-mails for
referrals and information on training classes, handling classes,
etc., we refer people to both the local kennel club and the parent
club and, now, of course, to dogadvisors.com. Dont put your
name out there as someone to contact at the club level if you are
not willing to talk to these people who need and are asking for
And, so what if their dog shouldnt
be shown in conformation. There are other events. You should be
providing information on all events in which the breed would be
eligible to compete.
Clubs: Be sure when you are
choosing someone to handle Breeder Referral for your club that
this is someone who is willing to do the job. You need someone who
has the time and the patience to answer all the silly questions as
well as the serious ones. This is the person who is going to be
the representative of your clubs place in the community and the
Be sure when you choose the person
to man your information/education table at your show that he or
she is the right person for the job.
Be sure when you are compiling your
Breeder Directory that you have assurances from those who want to
be listed that they will take the time to talk to those who are
referred; that they will be patient and informative and
Breeders: Be sure that you are
willing to answer all the questions and give patient responses.
Remember that you were once the novice. The newcomer does not know
all the ramifications his one little question might imply. He
needs calm explanations.
The newcomer who approaches you at
a show saw something in the relationship between you and your dog
that inspired him to come to you. Treat this as an opportunity,
not as an irritation. You can have a hand in shaping the future of
the sport by the attention you give this person. Make it
If you are stressed at a show, tell
the person who approaches you that this is the case. Give him your
card and invite him to call you and visit your kennel and see your
dogs and use that time to discuss the pros and cons of your breed
and what the appropriate situation is for that breed.
You get the picture.
Trust me, you are not going to live
forever. There must be new blood. The attitude of that new blood
is partially your responsibility. How the newcomer comes into the
sport rests with you.
Where I Sit
by John S. Ward
After his first or second visit to
a dog show the newcomer to the dog game is of course bursting with
questions about how the system operates. It is easy enough to
answer his first few questions by charting out the pyramid
structure of dog show judging, from the breeds to the Groups and
finally to Best in Show. The concept of dividing dogs among Groups
according to the function for which the breeds were developed is
also readily understandable, but the inevitable question
associated with Group judging soon arises, that is, how can you
compare two breeds of dogs, such as Pointers and Spaniels, which
dont particularly resemble each other? The newcomers
confusion on this point is further compounded when he sees seven
entirely different kinds of dogs ostensibly being compared by the
judge, who finally points very decisively at one particular dog
and announces that it is Best in Show, whatever that means.
You very patiently explain that
each breed has a so-called Standard, which is a verbal description
of what that breed should look like and how it should move.
Further, you point out that the judge is evaluating each dog in
terms of how well it fits the Breed Standard, and that regardless
of the breeds involved the dog that conforms most closely to its
own Breed Standard is chosen over the other dogs in competition
that are less successful in meeting the requirements of their
So far so good. Your novice friend
then innocently states that the judge who decided which dog was
Best in Show must be a very smart individual indeed, since he or
she presumably is approved to judge all the breeds that are
competing at the show. You quickly inform him that out of the
several thousand approved dog show judges only a handful are
officially approved to judge all breeds, and that in order to be
eligible to judge Best in Show one need only be certified to judge
any single Group. Your novice friend walks away, looking somewhat
bewildered at this last piece of information.
His unspoken question of course is,
How come? The answer is quite evident if one looks at the
arithmetic of the number of dog shows per year and the concomitant
number of Best in Show judges thereby required versus the pool of
judges available at the Group level. The last feasibility study I
have seen arrived at the conclusion that requiring an individual
to be approved for two or more Groups before being certified as a
Best in Show judge would result in a shortfall of eligible judges,
given the number of such judges on the books versus the number of
all-breed shows within 30 days and 200 miles of each other.
Should we be concerned about this
fact? I think not. It is certainly questionable that a two-Group
judge or a three-Group judge would be that much more qualified,
since he or she would be approved to judge two or three of the
Group winners in the ring for Best in Show and would still be
somewhat less familiar with the dogs in the ring representing the
It is certainly neither feasible
nor desirable to create an additional several hundred all-breed
judges to satisfy this somewhat theoretical requirement. The
present system is a compromise we have adopted in order to have
our three-tier competitive structure at all-breed shows. It is
interesting to note that one of the all-breed shows on the East
Coast elected several years back to offer competition at the breed
level only, and did away entirely with Group and Best in Show
judging. The experiment had no perceptible impact on our sport and
was quietly discontinued.
What has been the practical result
of this compromise in the process of selecting Best in Show
winners? First of all, there is no question that Group and Best in
Show competition is here to stay. It is exciting and if nothing
else it affords the public the opportunity to see all breeds in
one ring without the necessity of trying to see whats going on
in the numerous rings at the average show. Also, it provides
additional challenges to the exhibitor after he or she had
finished a championship on a particular dog.
How does a one-Group judge go about
the process of picking a Best in Show dog? I have posed this
question to many such judges and have received a variety of
answers. The most straightforward response is that the judge must
rely upon the breed and Group judges having put up the proper type
of dog and that he must concentrate his efforts on the soundness,
movement and showmanship of the seven contenders. If the judge can
assess these qualities skillfully and if he possesses what has
been known traditionally as an eye for a dog the chances are
he wont go too far wrong.
All of this leads me to the
conclusion that every all-breed show is in effect two different
dog shows in one place. The first dog show (and to my mind the
most important) is the breed judging. That is where the core
activity of our sport is evaluated, i.e. to demonstrate the
success of a breeding program. The second dog show consists of the
Group and Best in Show judging, and is the icing on the cake. It
satisfies our need for competition, is suspenseful and exciting,
and perhaps can even be called glamorous, but is not the end all
of the dog game.
Perhaps the point I am trying to
get across is that in my opinion the quality of our breed judges
is the cornerstone of our sport. The Group and Best in Show judges
at an event may be outstanding but unless the breed judges do a
creditable job the Group and Best in Show judging will have little
significance. If the AKC devises the best possible system for
screening initial judging applicants and follows through with a
carefully crafted method for approving additional breeds our sport
will be in good hands, and the Group and Best in Show judging will
be equally benefited.
Top of Page
Word From the AKCCHF
Gene Search Tool Developed
During Hunt for CMO Gene
The AKC Canine Health Foundation,
the Cairn Terrier Club of America Foundation, the Scottish Terrier
Health Trust Fund and the Westie Foundation of America, Inc,, are
supporting research to develop a carrier test for Craniomandibular
Osteopathy (CMO). CMO is a painful inherited jaw disease that is
seen most often in young Terrier puppies. This work is being
carried out by Dr. Patrick Venta and his colleagues at the College
of Veterinary Medicine at Michigan State University.
In order to develop the test, it is
first necessary to locate the CMO gene on one of the 39 pairs of
dog chromosomes. During the CMO work at MSU, a new way to quickly
make SNP markers was developed, thus opening the way to automate
much of the marker work used for canine disease genes. Although it
will probably be several years before the new canine SNP markers
are used with automatic machines, even the manual method for using
these markers is much simpler and quicker than the more commonly
used STR markers. In addition, these markers can be made in
specific genes. This development will make it easier to move from
the linked marker to the actual genes because there are many
similarities between human and canine chromosomes.
Using the new method, information
can easily be taken from the multi-billion dollar Human Genome
Project and applied directly to canine genetic problems. Thus, the
work to develop a test for CMO will have a much broader impact by
speeding future research on other inherited health conditions in
Dr. Elaine Ostrander Receives
National Award for Canine Cancer Research
National recognition continues for
one of the canine genome map researchers supported by AKC/CHF.
Elaine Ostrander, Ph.D., of the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research
Center in Seattle has received a Burroughs Wellcome award in
Functional Genomics. She will use the $400,000 award for funding a
study entitled, Mapping Cancer Susceptibility Genes in Dogs by
Linkage Disequilibrium. Dr. Ostrander is the Principal
Investigator and Leonid Kruglyak, Ph.D., is the Co-Investigator
for this study.
The study is aimed at unmasking
genes that predispose individuals to developing cancer.
Specifically, Ostrander and Kruglyak propose to develop the
methodologies for efficiently mapping cancer susceptibility genes
in purebred dogs. The unique population structure of dog breeds,
coupled with strong clinical and histological similarity between
canine and human cancers, make this the model system of choice for
cancer genetics. The study will focus specifically on mapping
genes for susceptibility to lymphoma and osteosarcoma in naturally
occurring populations of Golden Retrievers and Rottweilers,
respectively. The hypothesis is that identification of cancer
susceptibility genes in dogs will provide insight into the ways in
which cancer susceptibility in humans is controlled genetically.
The Burroughs Wellcome Awards in
Functional Genomics are intended to accelerate the integration of
the vast amount of genetic sequence and expression data being
generated in the worlds laboratories into functional and
clinically relevant information that will yield insights into
mechanisms of human disease. The canine breed population data for
this research was tabulated and provided courtesy of the American
Dr. Ostrander is an Associate
Member in the Divisions of Clinical Research and Human Biology at
the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, and Head of the Centers
Genetics Program. Her interests are in the areas of genetic
mapping and genomics, with a specific focus on the genetics of
disease susceptibility, and application of the canine map to
disease loci in purebred dogs. Dr. Ostrander is one of the
researchers in the international collaborative effort to map the
canine genome. She has received several grants to further this
research from the AKC Canine Health Foundation.
Items Needed for Fundraising
Dog supplies and accessories come
in a wide variety of shapes and sizes. The AKC/CHF can use them
all! The fundraising efforts of the AKC/CHF involve raffles and
auctions, as well as supporting the many fundraising projects of
dog clubs and individuals. The AKC/CHF is now accepting donations
of new and useful dog-related items from individuals and
The AKC/CHR is in need of the
following: original doggie artwork, grooming and pet care
supplies, books (childrens, science-related, fiction,
nonfiction, etc.), show supplies, kennel equipment, and any other
items which would be of interest to purebred dog enthusiasts and
general pet owners. The value of an item or groups of items may be
acknowledged as an in-kind donation for the Foundation. To inquire
about donating items, call toll-free 1-888-682-9696 or e-mail
Several events scheduled for the
next two years will benefit from donated items. The Bill Trainor
Memorial Dinner, to be held November 25, 2000, will feature an
auction with many unique art pieces and dog-related materials. The
International Kennel Club Dog Show in February, 2001, will feature
an extensive booth presence with raffles and prizes for visitors.
In addition, the Foundation visits several dog shows each year
with a booth which is enhanced by new and interesting items for
donation premiums and raffle prizes.
& Essex Kennel Club,
by Arthur Frederick Jones
with permission from the July 1, 1938 issue
of the American Kennel Club Gazette.)
Ours is a realistic world; a world
in which facts speak more clearly than high-sounding figures of
speech; a world in which the personal advantage seems to wipe out
consideration of the general good. Yet to such a world came, not
much more than a decade ago, an organization known as the Morris
and Essex Kennel Club. It was the crystallization of an idea
entertained by Mrs. Geraldine Rockefeller Dodge, one of the truest
and most unselfish lovers of the pure-bred dog in the world.
The first Morris and Essex show was
a fairly modest affair, catering to a limited number of the
breeds, but, even then, establishing its own ear-marking of
quality in all its arrangements. In its outward appearance it was
better than, but little different from, many other exhibitions of
dogs; in its underlying spirit it was a thing apart. At some
shows, the very identity of the exhibition is found in the
individual dogs that compete and win. At Morris and Essex, there
is a glorification of the pure-bred dog in a larger sense. Neither
individuals nor breeds stand out above the event, itself.
It is a necessity that each breed
has its firm adherents, for no breed could rise to any great
heights were it not sponsored by enthusiastic fanciers. But in
their concentrated enthusiasm, these men and women sometimes
become so specialized that they fail to see the world around them.
And to such people comes the Morris and Essex show with its marked
decentralizing effect; with its all-inclusive attitude toward mans
The winners at Morris and Essex are
always good dogs. Their names are etched largely, for a moment,
against an azure backdrop, and then they drift skyward into the
sunset that always smiles on Morris and Essex. This has been true
since the beginning of this show in 1927, and it will be true
throughout its history which everyone hopes will extend for
Competition is always strong at
this largest of dog shows, but there is so much more to see at
Madison that the actual ribbon-winning seems to be only a part of
the general pattern. It is certain that a majority of those in the
vast crowds that flock to Morris and Essex go because they love
dogs not because they wish to see the striving for high honors
by any particular favorites. Indeed, the casual visitor to Madison
is likely to believe that any dog seen on the benches is an
outstanding specimen. Veteran exhibitors might smile at such a
belief, but, within certain limitations, the public is right.
There are few really poor specimens to be seen at Morris and
Most people who have been around
the sport of showing dogs for years are inclined to take it all
very much for granted. We believe that the public knows the
meaning of everything that takes place.
The public does not know, but it
has its eyes and its ears open, and it is ready to learn. In
short, at Morris and Essex, the dog world is on parade, and it is
important that the public be given the right impression.
The person at Morris and Essex
witnessing his first dog show takes as prototype every item of
procedure, every bit of the layout, and every dog. Such a visitor
goes home under the impression that a dog show is a rather
splendid institution, and that all shows in the United States
approach in size and splendor the magnificent proportions found on
the Dodge estate.
All dog shows do not approach
Morris and Essex. In fact, many do not come within hailing
distance. But since Mrs. Dodge first sponsored this beautiful show
there has been a marked improvement in all dogs shows. Members of
bench show committees of other show-giving clubs always get new
ideas when they attend Morris and Essex. Some of these ideas are
put into effect immediately; others are kept in mind until special
opportunity provides the place and the money for their execution.
Morris and Essex was the first
outdoor dog show in America which gave more than casual thought to
the feeding of exhibitors and spectators.
The services of a first class
caterer has made luncheon a rather pleasant thing at Madison.
Since then, other dog clubs have tried to follow suit. The
exhibitor at Madison eats in a special tent, and the general
public is provided with another big tent that shelters a complete
Perhaps the best way to describe
the big show is to say that one can be in comfort for the whole
day at Morris and Essex, not missing a single service that one
would have at a big hotel in a city, extending from taxicabs to
telegraph and telephone. Automobiles and trailers may be parked
with a minimum of effort; and incoming and outgoing traffic is
handled in a manner that might be copied by many communities
throughout the United States.
The thousands of square yards of
tenting remind one of a rather glorified military encampment.
Certainly the event appears to exceed the dimensions of the
Ringling Brothers-Barnum and Bailey Circus, and it is conducted in
a manner that makes one think of a dress parade at West Point.
Thousands of people move about the grounds and yet all seem to go
to some prearranged spot and accomplish something that weaves into
the general pattern.
Spectators wandered about from ring
to ring, pausing to see the judging in each enclosure, but anxious
to have at least one look into each of the 54 rings where judging
went forward simultaneously.
Gay summer frocks of women,
combined with the fluttering orange and blue pennants of the
Morris and Essex Kennel Club, and the green of the trees and the
grass made the setting this year, as usual, a most colorful one.
Beach umbrellas in all the rings provided sanctuary for judges and
stewards from the brilliant rays of a sun that shone from the
start of judging at 10 A.M. until the last award had been made
late in the afternoon. Morris and Essex was extremely lucky in its
weather, this year, for the days immediately preceding the event
had been very discouraging, with rain falling continuously in the
neighborhood of New York.
It is no wonder that newspaper and
free lance photographers and newsreel cameramen made a Roman
holiday out of Morris and Essex. They had that brilliant showing
of 4,213 dogs, attended by some 50,000 people from all walks of
life, and they had perfect weather in which to record it on all
glass and celluloid.
One magazine, whose circulation is
close to two million, thought that Morris and Essex was so
important that it sent to Madison a special photographer with
orders to take everything of interest. Using a candid camera, he
snapped no less than 300 pictures. From this great array of shots,
the editors culled 27 photographs which subsequently were laid out
in eight attractive pages. Ten years ago, this particular magazine
was not in existence, but no other non-doggy publication would
have thought a dog show worthy of its attention.
The Morris and Essex show renders
another service to the world of purebred dogs. It draws to the
East the greatest dogs throughout the nation, not only for this
one show, but for all the shows immediately preceding and
following it. With the Madison event as a magnet, handlers and
owners are glad to come a little earlier and remain a little
longer and take in half a dozen other shows.
More than one dog from the West,
and other parts of the country, started out unknown and wound up
with a big reputation after his sojourn in the East. Such dogs
return to their native localities and serve as test cases against
which other specimens may be judged. All in all, this
intersectional competition serves to broaden the entire scope of
The big show is also a center
toward which are drawn all the outstanding human personalities
connected with the sport of dogs. They come to see the dogs, but
they come, too, to meet other people of moment. There is a general
interchange of opinions, and many problems are worked out while
the judges go about their work of sorting the dogs. The actual
judging is of course the big business of the day. It all builds up
to the climax, when best in show is awarded...
The final class at Morris and Essex
had a tremendous crowd. On the four sides of the big square where
the judging took place, spectators were lined about 15 deep. This
is in contrast to many dog shows where the group judging consumes
so much time that there are few people left to witness the final
award. The schedule always has been maintained at the big show,
and it makes for a much pleasanter, more important conclusion to
||Early dog wagon: Built on
a 1939 Lincoln chassis (Lincoln purchased from a
Greenwich, CT Rockefeller), 12 cylinder, seven miles to
the gallon. The tailgate came down on angle irons and two
chains. The tailgate took six Setter crates. A waterproof
curtain rolled down for protection from the elements. Cost
of custom body: $500.00
||Many of those lining the
group enclosures were seeing certain breeds for the first
time and forming comparisons of the different varieties.
As a result, breeders and exhibitors should find renewed
interest in their dogs, and probably many sales will trace
back to the monster show...
(Editors note: The Best
in Show winner of the 1938 event, chosen by judge Harry T.
Peters, was Old English Sheepdog, Ch. Ideal Weather, owned
by Leonard Collins of Toronto, and handled by Alf
Top of Page
to the Editor
In your June 2000 Newsletter issue
I found an article that was very familiar to me. It is the right
hand column of page 16 headed When Sex is Good. It is a word
for word copy of an article entitled My Dog Sex written by
My knowledge of this article dates
back to 1993. At that time, the Evergreen State Pekingese Club was
hosting a Roving Show for the Pekingese Club of America. As part
of our goody bags, we printed a twenty-page pamphlet of dog
items. My Dog Sex was one of those items.
Before we printed this, we
carefully researched the source and found that Morty Storm had
written it. Morty was a standup comic. The piece had also appeared
in an Ann Landers column in August 1988 under the heading Sex
as a Name. At that time she marked it The author is unknown.
She corrected that at a later date after he wrote to her and
claimed credit. We contacted both of these people and received
permission to print it with proper credits.
At that time, Morty Storm lived at
****. His phone was ***. I have had no recent contacts.
Since you give blanket permission
to copy articles from your pamphlet, I believe a correction in a
future edition would be courteous.
Lydia A. Kretzman
Thank you very much for your
letter. We receive hundreds of items every week, many of which are
appropriate for our Shaggy Dog column. Usually the items received
are in the public domain, and usually we are able to credit the
person who has forwarded them to us. Sometimes we receive items
from an Internet service that are in the public domain or they
have credited their source.
From time to time we receive items
that we know are the work of some figure in the public eye. We
have rejected those because they have been received without the
We appreciate your taking the time
to write us with the actual author of one of our previous Shaggy
column items. If anyone wants to reprint the item we have the
address and phone number of Morty Storm here at our North Carolina
office and would be glad to pass it along to anyone requesting it.
We are pleased to acknowledge the
work of comic Morty Storm that appeared in our June 2000 issue of
the MB-F Newsletter.
We also want to remind those who
are sending items with the purpose of having them selected for The
Shaggy Dog Stories column to be sure to include their name and
address or e-mail address so we may credit them and to be very
sure they credit any item forwarded to anyone that is the work of
a specific individual that may be protected under copyright law.
The Shaggy Dog Stories
JUST BETWEEN US...
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve
calls out to God. Lord, I have a problem!
Whats the problem, Eve?
Lord, I know you created me and
provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals
and that hilarious comedic snake, but Im just not happy.
Why is that, Eve? came the
reply from above.
Lord, I am lonely, and Im
sick to death of apples.
Well Eve, in that case, I have a
solution. I shall create a man for you.
Whats a man, Lord?
This man will be a flawed
creature, with many bad traits. Hell lie, cheat and be
vainglorious; all in all, hell give you a hard time. But... hell
be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will
look silly when hes aroused, but since youve been
complaining, Ill create him in such a way that he will satisfy
your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish
things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He wont be too
smart, so hell also need your advice to think properly.
Sounds great. says Eve, with
an ironically raised eyebrow. Whats the catch, Lord?
Well... you can have him on one
Whats that, Lord?
As I said, hell be proud,
arrogant, and self-admiring... So youll have to let him believe
that I made him first. Just remember, its our little
secret...You know, woman to woman.
(submitted by Rita Lynch via the
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I
LEARNED FROM NOAHS ARK
1. Dont miss the boat.
2. Remember we are all in the same
3. Plan ahead. It wasnt raining
when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When youre 600
years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5. Dont listen to critics; just
get on with the job that needs to be done.
6. Build your future on high
7. For safetys sake, travel in
8. Speed isnt always an
advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9. When youre stressed float a
10. Remember, the Ark was built by
amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
11. No matter the storm, when you
are with God, theres always a rainbow waiting.
(submitted by W. Henry Odum III via
WHEN I GOT MY NEW DOG...
I asked for strength that I might
rear him perfectly; I was given weakness that I might feed him
I asked for good health that I
might rest easy; I was given a special needs dog that I
might know nurturing.
I asked for an obedient dog that I
might feel proud; I was given stubbornness that I might feel
I asked for compliance that I might
feel masterful; I was given a clown that I might laugh.
I asked for a companion that I
might not feel lonely; I was given a best friend that I would feel
I got nothing I asked for, But
everything that I needed. (author unknown) (submitted by Ellen
Morris [email@example.com] via the Internet)
A cowboy rode into town and stopped
at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a
habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his
horse had been stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily
flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even
looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
Who stole my horse? he yelled
with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
Im gonna have another beer
and if my horse aint back outside by the time Im finished, Im
gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I dont want to have to do
what I dun back in Texas!
Some of the locals shifted
restlessly.He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was
back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the
bar and asked, Say partner, what happened in Texas?
The cowboy turned back and said,
I had to walk home! (submitted via the Internet)
Humor is a good thing.
If you have a favorite doggy laff
-- particularly a true story --
please send it in and share a good laff with fellow dog enthusiasts.
c/o The Shaggy Dog
P.O. Box 22107
Greensboro, NC 27420
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